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straight, in denial, or just curious?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by nomdeplume, Aug 6, 2014.

  1. nomdeplume

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    I'm really confused at the moment; sometimes I think that I'm not straight, and that's fine, and at others I think I'm straight and just faking the same sex attraction, for whatever reason.
    About 8 months ago I fell really hard for one of my friends. Both sexually and romantically. I don't know why, I just suddenly couldn't get her out of my head. Being attracted to her forced me to admit to myself that I have had crushes on other women before, as well as crushes on men, I've just been suppressing the feelings. But I haven't fallen for many people in my life so it's hard for me to tell if this was a one off.
    When I look at someone I can't tell if they are good looking or not, I always have to guess. This isn't because my 'type' is different from other people, it's because I see the person's expressions, their style of clothing, how they walk and talk, not their body. I have real difficulty in remembering what people look like, that includes family and friends, because what I remember is what they are like, not what they look like. So I can't say who I find physically attractive because I don't see the physical I see the person. I'm not trying to sound better than anyone else, in fact I've found it a real draw back in a society where looks are so important. It's also one of the many reasons I've been bullied since I was 8. So I would change it if I could.
    Because of this I can't say which physical body I prefer, which is not helping. I also have no experience with any sex. It's just all driving me crazy, maybe I'm straight after all and I was just curious. You hear about girl crushes all the time with straight girls. Is that what this was?
     
  2. Rainbows~Exist

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    Sounds to me like that you may be bisexual. You love people for who THEY are not WHAT they are, you have the ability to love anyone emotionally rather than physically and that falls into the category of bisexual nature.
     
  3. freeapril

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    Hi! Wow, I am so glad to see your post! I was the same way growing up about not noticing people's appearances and I have been thinking that it has been adding to my confusion and has contributed to the lateness of my questioning of my orientation, but it is kind of a weird thing to talk about! Like you, it's not like I was trying not to notice or something, it just happens that that sort of thing didn't, and still doesn't, always grab my attention; it can be embarrassing, as I sometimes don't see people's physical handicaps, which has often caused me to end up doing awkward things like going to shake someone's hand when they're an amputee or something. I too had a difficult time because of it growing up because I never noticed what the other kids were wearing or how I ought to look in my clothes, so I dressed kind of differently and people made fun of me. Fortunately, I didn't notice that either, so it wasn't a big deal. haha I guess I'm just kind of oblivious, aren't I?!!

    Anyway, I think it is kind of nice to see and relate to the person first, but I have definitely developed more of an awareness of what people look like and who is attractive to me in the last couple of years. It sort of just developed late for me I guess, or maybe it's a skill I needed to develop since becoming an independent adult and working and forming social networks and everything. Lately I have been really making an extra effort to notice people's looks and who I find attractive since I have been trying to figure out my orientation; but I have also had the same doubts as you, like maybe I'm only feeling attracted to certain aspects of people's appearances because society has told me to and it isn't how I really feel attraction or it isn't the part of attraction that is important to me in an actual relationship? And then another part of me is thinking, maybe I was just immature before or something, and this is a whole new area of physical attraction that I am just discovering now. Or also that maybe the reason I didn't notice if a guy was attractive before was because I'm actually not attracted to them, and the reason I didn't notice if a girl was attractive before is because I was just suppressing my attractions. Because looking back I definitely have noticed girls before. But like I said, I can notice if a guy is attractive now, too. I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to them. There are days when I feel sure I've figured out what physical attraction is, and there are other days when I seriously doubt it. So, I guess I don't have any answers, but I just thought I would say I can relate at least somewhat.
     
  4. nomdeplume

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    Thanks (*hug*). This does sound like how I feel and I think I just need to accept that I am bisexual and not straight, which is easier said than done :icon_wink, but I'll definitely try.

    ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2014 at 02:32 AM ----------

    I thought I was the only one who saw the world that way (!), and your right about it being weird to talk about. I've had so many blank looks when I've tried to describe it to people. I think it has also affected how late I am in questioning my sexuality too, so you are definitely not alone on this. I have had the same problem with physical handicaps :icon_redf, it can be embarrassing sometimes. I dress differently than others, but I have noticed what others say :icon_sad:, be thankful for your obliviousness :icon_bigg.

    I think it is nice and it is certainly handy in judging people's characters - I'm usually a really good judge of character. I can sometimes remember the physical looks but it takes a lot of effort and it's never for very long which can be really frustrating. I know how you feel on the doubts about how you don't see the physical person, I have them too, but I think it is genuine since I have to 100% guess or use what others have told me. I can say that someone looks nice or hot but I mean something entirely different than others - I mean they look friendly or confident and I like their style of dress/make up/hair. I've had moments when I think I know what physical attraction is and then I see that person wearing different clothes or acting differently and I realise that I'm no longer attracted to them because to me their not the same person. It's very confusing but I'm really glad someone can relate (*hug*).