I feel like this is the same old, not very interesting story. Lived in a house of church goers so the importance of waiting till marriage was mentioned but not necessarily repeated that often. When I started puberty my Mom suggested the pill and what not, for health reasons granted, but she also said she knew that it would be getting time for me to be thinking about sex so.. Better safe than sorry right? Well, I have only been with one person sexually. And she was my ex girl friend. And She was already experienced with men. She had lost her virginity to the guy before me so we were both pretty inexperienced but me much more so. I was terrified of sex. I hadn't even (and still haven't) even put in tampons yet. I think she was also rougher with me than maybe I gave her credit for. I just assumed I was being too big of a baby. I haven't been with anyone since she left me... But I have tried to be. And it has not ended well. I end up getting so afraid. Like ready to cry, heart beating out of my chest... I do not know how to overcome it... I do not think I am asexual or anything. I of course get my urges and whatnot... but. I have had this on my mind for like a year know and I have started to worry if I will be alone because of it. If I am too afraid to be intimate with someone, why would they choose to stay?
It sounds like you and your ex were inexperienced in communication as much as in sex. It's important to feel like you can talk to your significant other; this is something that takes effort and time to develop. If you didn't enjoy your encounter with your ex, that's not your fault. You were not being a baby. You don't need to put up with pain for the sake of your partner. Hopefully they want you to feel good, not cause you harm. Next time you're intimate with someone, go as slow as you need to. Pace it out, and let yourself get really aroused before you go any further. If you learn to communicate your feelings, you'll find yourself able to trust them more. Because you are a person. Because you are more than your body. Yes, sexual relationships will have an inherently physically intimate component, but there's more to them than that, and if you develop a certain level of trust and openness with the other person maybe you'll discover enjoyable things you can do together. But don't think of intimacy as their only need; I'm betting that they'll want an emotional relationship with you as well as a physical one, and if you provide each other with that, then of course they'll stay.
Thank you for your kind words. It has just been one of those years with a lot of changes with little to no transition time. So... I guess just it made my usual loner status feel like a life sentence or something.
Going through a lot of changes can be really isolating. Just don't go on blaming yourself for being single; everyone has phases of being alone or being in plentiful company, and it's not your fault or anything. It's just a stage of life.
Yeah. Just with my timidity on the intimate level I have just been more than afraid to even think about trying to start a relationship.
