I am questioning and still unsure. However Im still scared of being gay. The actual attractions themselves scare me. Like, say I am in town or walking around and I see a guy and if I feel any sensation in my penis or chest my mood plummets into depression and anxiety. I dont get erections but I feel various sensations. Sometimes tingling, sometimes tightening, sometimes my penis may go from 100% flaccid to 95% flacid. Sometimes I feel a shock in my chest, othertimes nervousness, heeart beating quicker. I wish they didnt happen. I try to accept being gay and tell myself ''just enjoy it when it happens'' and then it happens and I feel awful again. This has been going on 7 yrs now. I then worry about why they happen and so come to the conclusion ''Im gay I have to be'' and so decide to go home and fantasise about men and masturbate to the fantasies and then dont get very aroused even masturbating. Again Ive been trying to get off to gay thoughts for the last 7 yrs now and Im 32 now. I'm convinced Im gay but maybe Ive brainwashed myself. It makes me so unhappy. Thisquestioning started because I have/had erection issues with women and thought being gay was the cause of that. But I still dont get hard looking at gay porn of visualising sex with guys but Ive convinced myself I must be gay anyway.
I wouldn't say that my attractions scared me. In your mind, are you sexually attracted to men or women? From your post, I think that you're not necessarily gay, because you don't get hard visualizing sex with guys. I think that you have social anxiety and impotence problems. Another option is that you may have unconsciously repressed your sexual attractions because you're ashamed of them. Have you tried seeing your doctor about your erection problems to see whether the problem is physical or psychological? If not I think you should. In the meantime, good luck figuring out your sexuality.
I wasn't scared, per se, but I was just questioning as to why I felt a stronger attraction towards guys and felt nothing towards girls. Over time, it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I was like "oh, so that's why I did this when I was 11, and this when I was 13, and this time at this one place, I acted like this". I was relieved when I could put all of the pieces of the puzzle together once and for all. I learned to accept myself and just see myself as no different than everyone else on this planet. Hopefully the same thing will happen to you . If you're straight, that's okay. If you're gay or bi...that's okay just as much.
My story is so complicated. I used to get horny about girls but it disappeared after I got the erection problems. Now I question if I really did get horny or was it just the sexual aspect of it. I have thought this thing through so much. I definitely do recall age 15 being on vacation and eying up girls and thinking dirty thoughts about them then before going to bed at night I would visualise them and masturbate about them and it was exciting and enjoyable. I dont recall seeing girls and becoming overcome with sexual urges though, although I did a few times from memory. I never recall any strong gay indicators from my youth. There is somw stuff but it might be clutching at straws. I remember having a conversation with my frineds about underpants when we were about 7. I didnt recall having any real interest in girls until age 14. I masturbated about a guy once age 18 to try it but I never did it again and went back to my usual fantasies about girls. I never recall seeing a guy and feeling like I wanted to masturbate about him. Anyway my past is straight but Im convinced Im gay now I think about it so much I am nearly getting to the point where I would kiss a guy just to see what my arousal is like. Although this is something I have never wanted to do and dont want to in future but Im worried my body will make me do it as I wont be sexually satisfied by girls. My story is ridiculously complicated. I dont get proper erections and haven't snce 2001. I thought masturbating about guys would make it come back but it hasnt yet I still think Im gay. I am convinced I was born gay too as I have the gay finger ratio. This makes me feel different to other guys. If a guy came onto me I wouldnt want to go off with him but I might get arousal sensations in my groin.
yes my 'arousal' scared me, it around my bumhole, a fuzzy feeling. i only had it a couple of times. The thing with, me is if i look at a naked picture of a woman, sometimes I get an erection. Sometimes I don't. A naked man, nothing, if anything it shrinks. I have tried watching gay porn, an nothing, no arousal. Anyway, despite my ability to be aroused, I don't really have an urge to have sex. So physically I work, just not the mental bit. I'm not sure if this is because of 18 odd years of convincing myself I'm straight or not. Still reckon I'm asexual, maybe gay deep deep down..
Yes, I was terrified when I found out that I was gay. I realized that there were certain people (especially in my family) that I will never be able to tell. I never really had any strong indicators in my childhood so it was a shock when I found out that I might not be straight.
It did until I realized I had misinterpreted the nervousness of finding someone attractive for being somehow intimidated. Physiologically they sort of feel the same, at least until I push through the fight or flight response. (Every real fight I've been in had the shaking in the legs, even when I got past fear to resolution. Like a racehorse is the analogy I've heard, you get so excited in a way that you can't even contain it or deal with it.) Now instead my social anxiety just makes me pine for those nerve-inducing hot people out there. I find it almost impossible to ask someone on a date, no matter what indicators I get that they might just say yes. So nervous. Talk to people just fine up to that point usually.
Yes, fear is what has always kept me from acting on my bi feelings. Fear of what other people would think, fear of catching something and the list goes on.
My attraction towards women most definitely scared me, but once I embraced my feelings for women, I wasn't as afraid of them as I was in the beginning of discovering those feelings. I tried to ignore them, but gosh, it made extremely ill, so I just allowed myself to feel however I was feeling in the moment. I'm not going to lie though, it was very difficult because I thought I had done something (wrong I guess you could say) that made me start liking women in the first place. However, after a lot of soul searching, I had remembered that I had liked girls and ever since I was a young girl. I can remember being fascinated by my female friends growing up, as well as my female teacher in the 1st/2nd grade. My advice to you, is to just stop trying to figure everything out all at once. It should come to you naturally and once it does, it will feel right, trust me. While it is great to reflect on past attractions/feelings, you should only give yourself like an hour a day to so or you're going to drive yourself crazy! I used be obsessed with trying to figure out my feelings for men and women until one day, I threw my hands up in the air and I said forget it. If I discover that I like/am attracted to this particular girl/guy, then I will deal with it when the time comes. I know it is easier said than done, but give it a try. If you're not actively seeking out a man then just relax. Stress isn't going to help you figure everything out. It took me many years to finally to get to a place in my life where I am comfortable admitting to myself that I like women and I couldn't be happier.
Yes, because when I have feelings for someone it hurts because I want to get close to them, but my fears get in the way. Plus, my feelings are always so strong which scares me.
Yes, in the beginning they were very intense. I felt really obsessed and my attractions had taken over my life for some time. Now, things have mellowed down a bit and I feel like I can concentrate on other things as well. I find though that when I ignore them or am too busy to think about them, once I these thoughts come back they are so very strong.
I was mainly scared because I didn't know how my friends and family would feel about me being attracted to all sexes, genders, and sexualities. I didn't know if people would resent me for it, or think of me as a totally new person. I'm still scared for the same reasons.
