Is it possible to have had feelings for the opposite sex before but still be gay?

When I was young, I didn't think liking girls was an option. I think I told my friend when I was younger, "Hey I'm going to grow up and be a mom and marry a boy and have lots of kids." (I don't want that now but, apparently that's what I said when I was younger)

In primary school I didn't like anyone. I "dated" a boy for a week or two because all my friends were doing so, but I never really felt anything for him. I had butterflies for a female teacher in grade 4. Otherwise I didn't really have a crush on anyone. I was really super protective over a female best friend, but I think all friends are like that, right? I didn't have butterflies around her but I didn't want anyone else to be best friends with her.

In secondary school I had a smattering of random teacher crushes on male teachers. They never really went anywhere of course, and I knew they were unrealistic. It was weird, they weren't even attractive to me. I did have some fantasies about them but I obviously never wanted to actually act out on them. :icon_redf

I had one crush on an older guy all/most the girls in my year liked when I was in year 8. I didn't really know him but I still had feelings for him. It was also strange because it wasn't like I was obsessed with dating in year 8, and I didn't ever think about having sex with him, but I still liked him, was a bit nervous around him etc.

During the months before prom in year 11 I was scared of going to prom alone so I told myself I have to find a boy to go with. So I sort of convinced myself this guy friend I had would make a perfect boyfriend. We were really similar to each other. We hung out a lot, I had feelings for him for a few weeks. Although we were pretty flirty with each other, I never really thought about taking things further with him. A few weeks passed, prom passed, and my feelings died really quickly. :bang:

I've found male celebrities attractive before. I never thought about their dick, but I could see they were really hot. I had a few crushes on them, there were some male celebrities I thought were great and I practically idolized them.

During a time in which I was 100% convinced I was straight (despite the fact that I was crushing big time on a girl during those 3 years...uhhh), I watched loads of TV shows with guys in them. I had a few crushes on male fictional characters. Fantasy wise, I had no idea how sex worked with girls. So I had fantasies about male celebrities and random guys and gay porn, but I remembered never actually wanting to seek out sex with a guy. It was really strange, I didn't know how to feel. I just knew that sex wasn't that appealing to me at that time, but I could still have fantasies, I just rarely wanted to take it into real life. I hardly ever thought about the actual penis though is what I remember.

The reason though that I think I'm gay is that before knowing I could date girls and have sex with girls, I never remembered any genuine enthusiasm from me to date or have sex (apart from just getting off by myself). I never thought about it very much. Sure, I had random crushes on guys at times but for some reason...I just never remembered being super excited about the idea of dating or sex that went beyond fantasies alone in my room.:dry:

And then things started happening in and around and in between all that. I fell for my best friend who's a girl, and that's the strongest crush I've ever had up to this point. I started watching shows with lesbians in them, and I loved them. I watched lesbian Youtubers and I got excited and I wanted a relationship like theirs. I started following LGBT blogs on Tumblr, and all the pictures of girls kissing and cuddling made me really happy. Suddenly, relationships were the primary thing on my mind. I started noticing girls more than guys and it's been that way ever since. The fact that two or three guys liked me in high school but I always backed out immediately made more sense to me (I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me during those times).

Thinking about dating girls and cuddling them and kissing them is great, I want that. Thinking about having sex with girls is much more comfortable and natural to me than thinking about having sex with guys. Penis makes me uncomfortable if I directly think about it, but everything about a girl is great. I get turned on, sometimes incredibly quickly, by girls making out or having sex with each other in shows and movies. The more I let myself notice, the more I realize there are some, if not a lot, of female celebrities and characters I find instantly attractive. Now, I'm really happy to watch lesbian couples on screen and I seem to mostly seek out LGBT media to enjoy. I'm happier now than before, but still definitely confused and anxious from time to time. :icon_sad:

What I noticed is that while my feelings for guys seemed to be an on and off thing, my feelings for girls is more generic and all encompassing.

But I've always had this doubt that maybe I'm not really a lesbian, despite the fact that all signs currently point to it. I've had feelings for guys in the past, and it wasn't like my fantasies never involved guys so...what do you all think? (*hug*)

 

Thank you so much Yeah I understand what you're saying, and I think in some ways our experiences are really similar. Sometimes it's genuinely hard to tell where on the spectrum I lie, because I don't think I'm exclusively anything, even though I have preferences. Of course generally telling people they can get confused if I say something like, "well I like girls but then again, occasionally there may come a guy I could like, but then I wouldn't be too into having sex with him...*trails off" haha, it can get pretty confusing.

Then again, I think your advice is good. In the past I worried so much over labels (I seemed to rapidly flick between 'straight but I can also like girls' to 'bisexual' to 'wow I just like girls' to anything in between), and work myself out into blind panic. I guess in the past, depending on what I was more exposed to and what I thought was normal, my crushes/attractions would vary depending on social environment. It depends. But I've kind of learned to focus on right now, and if right now I like girls I guess that's what I'll go with ^^

Still, sometimes I just find myself wondering what exactly my experiences up to this point and my thoughts/emotions even mean. It's difficult because sometimes my experiences and my preferences are affected by environment/society/any different factor. Ah well, I guess just go along with whatever makes me happy right? (*hug*) Thanks again!

I guess I'll keep going along my little journey of questioning that seems some days to be never ending (it's so up and down mostly) and hope things work out.

 

Makes sense Well I can definitely appreciate a guy's attractiveness. But come to think of it, even when I had tons of crushes on guy celebs before (before I really came to terms with sexuality for the most part), very very rarely do I ever want to have sex with them. And even if I do I barely (or I guess I try not to) think about their penis or anything down below. It really depends though. It's confusing because I find it difficult to tell the difference between different types of physical attraction, and the differences between platonic or romantic attraction.

I think the environment I was in sometimes really fueled different attractions as well, so.

I might stick with the label lesbian biromantic for now, but still exploring and I'm open to other options so I'm trying to worry less about my label and just go with what I'm happy with, but it's not always easy.

 

Thank you And yeah I suppose that's partially the reason why it's pretty confusing. For a long time I believed my "default" sexuality was heterosexual, which obviously isn't true. So questioning was hard because I felt like I somehow had to always tie myself in with the social pressure of being straight. Now, who knows? Still figuring it out and tackling doubts as they come (*hug*)