Is it possible to just like the idea of people, but not the people themselves? I've not had many crushes. Even the ones I have tend to go away if the possibility of anything more comes up. Maybe they're not really crushes at all. Maybe I'm emotionally blunted. I feel like maybe I like the thought of a person rather than the reality, and while I know I'm not alone in that, I'm worried I've never felt anything else. Like I don't understand myself at all. Like I don't understand attraction at all. It's frustrating as I thought I'd understood the way I was feeling and now I'm all mixed up again. I don't even know what I'm saying to be honest. I don't know what to do.
I am the opposite of this but interestingly my best friend is very much like you. I am consequently much more attracted to her than she is to me but I think she would offer that she is closer to me than anyone. I'm sure my attraction is in part based on her independence, which I greatly admire about her. My point is, you shouldn't consider your disposition toward others to be a limitation in your ability to have deep relationships. It's not. This is just how you are, part of your personality if you will, and it can be a powerfully attractive characteristic.
I have a few really close friendships, but I've never had that in a romantic sense. I feel like every potential relationship is skewed, that they feel more than I do. Mostly I just tolerate it. I feel like I'm going through the motions, not really feeling anything for them. Retrospectively I think that anything I felt was merely excitement and flattery at someone liking me, or taking interest. Or even just thinking "what if", but it doesn't last long. I have meaningful friendships, but not relationships not even close. Does you friend say she feels this way? Maybe I'm just dating the wrong people. But it's not just the people I date, it's people I "crush" on too...
The problem I would say that you are having is a lack of attraction (possibly) to these people that you're dating/crushing on. You can be attracted to someone's personality (i.e. someone who is outgoing, smart, adventurous etc) however, perhaps you're not attracted to them physically. And that is probably why your feelings for them do not last long, but I could be totally wrong though....so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt. I have to tendency to only date people for about 3-6 months and then whatever feelings I thought I had for them, they usually fizzle out. And it is frustrating because I have only had one LTR and that's been with a guy (who is also my kids father.) When you first meet someone do you think of them as a potential partner or as a friend first? And the reason I am asking this question is because once someone is in the friend zone, it's almost impossible to see them as more than a friend. Not only that, to force yourself to like someone you have put in the friend zone is probably not a good idea. What usually ends up happening is what you described; that they feel more than you do and that's pretty hurtful for them. I'm actually guilty as hell for dating people I knew were not right for me, but I tried to make things work regardless. I will admit that things did not work out because honestly, I was not physically attracted to them, but I gave them a chance any way because love is blind. I thought that I could look past the physical appearance and fall in love with who they were as a person, but it's impossible to separate the two. I mean, it does take time longer for some people to develop feelings for someone and there's nothing wrong with that, but it should come naturally. These "crushes" that you have on people may be just mere admiration. Crushes can last for a very long time, and perhaps the feelings you had for that person fade as soon as you get to know them. Something about them just doesn't click with you and that is absolutely fine because having that connection with someone is very important. Otherwise, things will not last for very long. Gosh, I hope what I've typed makes sense...if anything, you're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Have you tried online dating or what about going on a blind date? Perhaps, trying something new could work out in your favor
You could be right here... I'm not sure. There are people I feel attracted to their personality, but these are the people that tend to become friends and nothing more. I think there are people I find more physically appealing than others, but if i don't like them as a person, that vanishes pretty much straight away, or fades in and out. Personality is a big thing for me. Yeah this is me all over, but my longest relationship is 1 week, if you can count that... This is where I have trouble. I don't go out looking for relationships, or romantic interests. I feel like a lot of the time I only think of someone that way because they have taken an interest in me. But sometimes there's someone who I wouldn't look twice at, but I speak to them once and that's it. I don't want to stop. I think this is as you said though, just personality attraction, but I'm only interested if I find them physically attractive too, so I don't know. I definitely have lots of people in the friend zone and I know I couldn't feel that way about them. But I don't know. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I can't get it all straight in my head. I guess now that I think about it, I've only ever dated those that expressed interest in me, so maybe I just friendzoned them in my head without realising it. But the people I like I think in retrospect I'm probably not that compatible with and I just liked the idea of them. Or am I just going too far with this?? I have only dated men, though, but I've liked both genders. I have tried online dating :icon_redf but it feels weird...and I don't have the guts to go for anything. I nearly went on a blind date, but it never happened in the end. I guess I meet a lot of people in my everyday life, so I'm better off than some. Thanks for the reply though, it's definitely made me think about some stuff.
