Hi, I'm a 19 year old male who's been having problems. Well, to be honest I've always had these problems. I have never known if I'm gay, straight, or somewhere inbetween. I like girls, I get romantic (albeit confusing) feelings for girls, and I am sexually attracted to them. But I have similar feelings towards guys. The confusing part of it is that I'm not sexually attracted to guys. I am physically attracted to some guys, but I don't go all googly-eyed for them like I do with girls. I'm attracted to them in an emotional sense, I guess in a deeper, non-physical way. I picture myself with a man emotionally and meaningfully, but just can't imagine ever being sexual with a guy. So in some ways, yeah I could very well see myself meeting a nice guy and starting a relationship together. With girls, it's the opposite. I have a hard time getting real emotional feelings for a girl. I get the jealously, the "want" of being with women, but once things start to get more serious than casual dates, I freak out and distance myself from them. But I am definitely sexually attracted to girls. I don't know if this is a psychological issue that I have towards myself, or an issue of sexual orientation. I also get intrusive thoughts almost daily that go along the lines of "am I gay" "no I'm not" "you're seeking validation through the unknown" and so on and so forth. A lot of the time I kinda guilt myself, telling myself that I can't be gay, because I've been with girls, and are attracted to girls sexually, but then there's this whole other side of me that has always, from a young age, wondered what it would be like to be in a committed relationship with a man. I've always been a more sensitive guy, intune with my feelings, soft spoken. I express myself with a lot more passion than how other guys would. I've never really fit the description of what some would call a "manly man". I get asked all the time if I'm gay, why my voice is so high, and my extended family basically just describes it as me being "different". So I don't know if I'm gay, straight, or somewhere inbetween. And the possibility of any of those being true scares me, especially the latter. I feel like I'm at a point in my life that I need to figure out who I am, and I feel that this is a big part of it. But the thought of finally figuring it out is terrifying. The reason why I am most scared of being bisexual is because I've kind of grown up not really believing in it as a true sexual orientation. But ever since I really, and I mean reeeeaally, started feeling this way, I have had no idea what to think of it. Now don't get me wrong, my family is incredibly supportive, and while I haven't ever said any of this to them, I know that they will support me no matter who I am or who I choose to love. My mom has always been this way with me, and she is an incredible and strong woman that has done nothing but good for me throughout my life. But just offhand comments that she has made about bisexuality not being a legitimate thing have kind of instilled that same thought into my head. The idea that you can't be Inbetween, you're gay or you're not. So as you can see I'm really confused, and I have a hard time dealing with this every single day. This is me taking a step towards figuring myself out, and I hope that you guys and gals can help me with it.
In my opinion, it sounds like you're bisexual. Its normal to be bisexual and to be attracted to one gender in a different way than the other. Since you've experienced different types of attraction to both genders, you're probably bi. Bisexuality is a real thing. There are many bisexuals out there. Its possible to be attracted to both males and females. Don't worry about labeling yourself too much though. Just do what feels right.
Thank you for replying. It's not so much that I don't believe bisexuality if a thing, it's more do that I've always had a bit of aversion to the idea of it. It makes the most sense for me and honestly it explains how I feel, I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with it. Any tips? Again, thank you so much for answering and offering your advice.
Bisexuality works in many different ways. It's possible that you could be bisexual with a sexual preference for girls and an emotional preference for guys. I am bisexual, but I lean towards girls romantically. Very few bisexuals are equally attracted to both genders, so I wouldn't worry about it. As for learning to accept yourself, getting more involved in the community can really help. I've found this website great, it really reminds you that there are other people out there who are like you. And it's 100% okay. Self-acceptance is a long and hard road but it will be worth it in the end, I promise
It sounds like you are going through the same things I'm going through. I'm also 19, and I've felt almost exactly like you. I'm attracted to both genders, can see myself in relationship with both...though I think I'd be more comfortable in a relationship with a woman...and I am sexually attracted to both genders.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to this. I really appreciate the support, and am happy to be a new member of a community of such understanding and like-minded people. Obviously I am still at the starting stages of accepting this, and I'm just figuring out who I am in terms of my sexuality. Things are very confusing and frustrating for me right now, and I'm having a hard time dealing with this emotionally. I also have a severe anxiety disorder and mild depression, which is adding some more problems to this new stage of my life. Your guys' comments and consensus of what I'm feeling has helped me identify with who and what I am, and I can't stress how helpful these few comments have been. Thank you everybody.
I can definitely relate. I believe I might be bi, but to me being gay goes better with my personality because I'm pretty metrosexual (or at least I appear that way to those who think I'm straight) as far as I have good hygiene and keep myself well-kempt. I'm also fairly feminine in some aspects. Its hard to put into words but I just seem stereotypically gay to myself?
You might be bisexual, I'm too. Bisexuality is almost never 50/50, I feel a physical attraction to women, when I feel a physical, romantic, and sexual attraction to men. Wish you luck, OP
You sound heterosexual and homoromantic to me. When you're heterosexual, you are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Homoromantic means you are romantically attracted to the same sex. You could say you're bi to clear up confusion, though.
Yeah, most people aren't going to want to explain those terms when coming out. Just say you are bi. I have a friend who is a biromantic asexual and just calls herself bi.
Consider myself to be bisexual and I believe that you might be that aswell, Xupy! Bisexuality is not a very easy defined lifestyle (no sexuality is) and can take several different forms and change a lot during a very limited period of time. If you really want a term, I would say bi. But on the other hand I think that finding a word to describe yourself is not important at all. Even though I, as I said, consider myself bi I don't put any greater meaning in it. I might fall in love with a girl, or with a boy and when that happen what I call myself is completely meaningless. It was first when I started too lossen grasp on theese different terms that I understood that I was truly bi (might be leaning gay, btw). Before that I called myself hetero - despite the fact that I had never been in a relationsship or had sex. I did it because I thought it was who I was suppose to be. The term as such limited my way of life for many, many years. Never again!
