I'm roughly a month into my journey of finding my sexuality. Originally, I was set on being bisexual. I was never truly comfortable with that, though. It didn't feel right. I've been in constant debate with myself.. Interestingly, once I got my mind off of it for a while, gay seemed to become more clear. I have never really been interested in girls. Sure, I've had crushes, but that was only because I felt oblogated to because I knew that I was supposed to have a girlfriend. I just can't get excited at the thiught of getting intricate with a girl. with guys? Ooooooh yes. I am now pretty much 90% certain that I am gay. There's just a little sliver of doubt hanging around. Is this normal? I'm tired of fighting with myself. I need to accept that I am gay...but how?
yes, its normal dude it happened with me, i would get crushes on girls for almost no reason, but the one time i was fwb with a guy, i knew i was gay and it felt more comfortable being gay than bi but i slowly became confident in it to where its now just a part of me, i suggest if you havent does so already go to any mirror and say "I am gay" repeat if you have to until it feels comfortable, thats one suggestion atleast
I'm glad you're getting to understand your sexuality better, acceptance will come with time. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but thats the best answer there is. I first started questioning my sexuality 2 years ago, and it wasn't until this january that the thought occurred to me that I like girls. It was only in March that I admitted to myself that I'm gay, yet here I am still identifying as bi with a preference for women because of my slight erratic attraction to men. Self acceptance takes time and a lot of reflection. For me what has helped, like you already figured out, is stopping worrying about it and just letting things happen naturally. Also for me I had to break down stereotypes and some internalized homophobia that I had created over the years. Exposing yourself to queer culture, either through the internet, TV, or in real life is another good way of recognizing it as a normal lifestyle. It takes time, just try to be patient with yourself. (*hug*)
Totally normal. In processing the "loss" of perception as straight, there are five stages we go through, denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. It's quite common for people, during the "bargaining' phase, to identify as bi because they can acknowledge attraction to the same sex, while not quite letting go of the idea they could still end up with an opposite-sex partner. As one continues to process the feelings, then the truth emerges and those who were using "bi" as a bargaining step let go of it. This isn't to say there aren't plenty of genuinely bisexual people, but that the bi label (and, more recently, various other unrecognized labels) are often part of the bargaining process.
A lot of guys start out accepting their feelings for guys by accepting a bi identity, but then later realize they exclusively like guys and come out again as gay. It happens often enough that there's a saying: "Bi now, gay later."
