Despite being confused by my sexuality I can usually tell the difference between people I just want to fuck and people I can see myself having a future with. I categorize these feelings as lust, crush, and love in that order. Now I've had a lot of lust for a lot of people in my life (a thousand maybe), but I've only had a handful of crushes (about eighteen), and even fewer loves (three). Here's my issue. I recently met this kid in college, close to my age, and I've got this huge crush on him. It's more than just wanting to have sex with him. Every time we hang out I feel ten times closer to him, but then I remember he's probably straight. Not to mention as far as anyone knows I'm straight myself. All this pretending over the years has been mad frustrating and it's not often that I feel this strongly toward someone so I feel like I need to pursue it, but at the same time I have this tough guy reputation to uphold and a secret big enough to humiliate me forever. We're hanging out again this Wednesday with a small group of our classmates and again this weekend. The way I see it I have three options here: a) hang out and shut up b) stay home/stay away from him c) confess my feelings, get rejected, and hope he can keep the whole thing a secret What do you think? :bang:
I think the times are changing. And your "tough guy reputation" is not necessary or even healthy to live with. I know you've heard the words "be true to yourself" more times than you could ever comprehend but there's a reason they're repeated so often. That masculine stuff is cultural conditioning, you can be whoever or whatever you want to be and if you run into any bigots well, smile and wish them a great day. They'll hate that. As for the guy... the first step, obviously, is to find out if he's at least bi. After that, do what you need to get over him if required (stay home/stay away from him)
I feel what you're saying, but I like my masculinity, that's my true identity. I guess my problem is that I need to tone it down a little. I was reading this psychology book that said a healthy, satisfying social life requires a balanced expression of both our masculine and feminine sides. I'm just not sure how to find that balance. And how can I find out if he's at least bi? In what way should I ask him? Don't you think he will suspect I like men if I ask him a question like that? I know the answer to these questions might be obvious to most people but just thinking about all of this kind of stresses me out.
I have met many gay or bi men that would basically knock your teeth down your F***ing throat if you offended them. So try to remember that your maleness has nothing at it's core to do with your sexuality. Thanks for posting.
I agree with Kai here. You could be super macho and still be gay, or super campy and identify as a straight guy. Your sexual identity shouldn't restrict your behaviour as a person. As for your feelings for your mate, I don't really have any advice sadly. I've been down that route, and learned to get over it. But that's my experience. Main thing to ask is if you're willing to risk losing your current relationship with your friend by imposing your feelings onto him.
