Presumed Bisexual questioning attraction to men.. please tell me what you think!

Im 29f and have had 1 real relationship with a girl, bunch of hook ups/flings, but a couple of long relationships with men took up most of my late teen/adult life and am in one now. I see friends post pics of hot guy candy and am turned off, hit the comments and feel baffled seeing women swoon, feel confused because I dont see it. Im not sure how turned on I am by males anymore. Theyre body doesn't really do it and never really did, but im guessing I can be attracted enough for intimacy when theres an intellectual/emotional attraction. I like the feeling of sex.. alot.. too.. so my motive sleeping with men is very much feeling the pleasure and getting off. How much thier physical body visually contiibutes is questionable. Thats not to say I cant think a guy is hot, but its SO rare I see a random guy id actually want to have sex with. Even men I find intellectually stimulating and attractive still often lack sexual desire..

Women for me is less explored but more comfortable. Growing up I had very low self esteem and perhaps some daddy issues. I know I craved men to fill an emotional void. But am wondering how much its effected my partner choices. Ive always been what I thought was slightly more attracted to women.. lately more homoflexible end of the scale

In my relationship now with an alpha male I find myself feeling.. ... how do I even describe it, molded. Being trapped in the womens role brings up a shit load of frustration sadness and anger. Not 100% gender dysphoric but have experienced it and still do. He loves dresses and most times im in one I feel.. violated basically. I have to be in the mood to look girly otherwise it angers me. I feel so much pressure. Thats the wrong topic though. .


Ill stop at that just really would like some inslight. This is something ive been trying to push away but my mind keeps urking me to figure out. To the point hes aware and im considering spending big bucks on therapy that I dont have lol thanks in advance