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same issue, need more advice

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lostsoul305, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. lostsoul305

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    Despite being confused by my sexuality I can usually tell the difference between people I just want to fuck and people I can see myself having a future with. I categorize these feelings as lust, crush, and love in that order. Now I've had a lot of lust for a lot of people in my life (a thousand maybe), but I've only had a handful of crushes (about eighteen), and even fewer loves (three).

    Here's my issue. I recently met this kid in college, close to my age, and I've got this huge crush on him. It's more than just wanting to have sex with him. Every time we hang out I feel ten times closer to him, but then I remember he's probably straight. Not to mention as far as anyone knows I'm straight myself.
    All this pretending over the years has been mad frustrating and it's not often that I feel this strongly toward someone so I feel like I need to pursue it, but at the same time I have this tough guy reputation to uphold and a secret big enough to humiliate me forever.

    We're hanging out again this Wednesday with a small group of our classmates and again this weekend. The way I see it I have three options here:
    a) hang out and shut up
    b) stay home/stay away from him
    c) confess my feelings, get rejected, and hope he can keep the whole thing a secret

    What do you think?

    link to the original http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/148122-recent-questioning.html
     
  2. biAnnika

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    Have you considered "hang out, and put out subtle feelers to try to get a sense of his sexuality?"
     
  3. lostsoul305

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    When I like somebody "subtle" is a difficult concept for me to follow. What did you have in mind though? I could give it a shot.
     
  4. Kai LD

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    I've gone through the 'having an enormous crush on a guy while everyone around you thinks you are 100% straight' thing. (*hug*) One of the simplest tricks to at least get something to calibrate on is making an innocuous ish statement around a beautiful girl that can't hear you like 'what do you think of that?' People often, if they are not what they appear to be, give themselves away in the subtlest of tells when you are looking. The danger is in not reading more into something than is there. This is a tricky one if you don't want to more directly address it. Good luck! :thumbsup:
     
  5. Damien

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    No, you can never be humiliated by this, I think it's beautiful you feel this way. Took me a while to accept it about myself, though. About 40 years, in fact. But I just wanted to say, well is it possible just to enjoy his company that night, and to use a musical turn of phrase, 'play it by ear'? After all, you did say, he's 'probably' straight...he might also be hiding a secret he's afraid to admit, as well. You never know. (*hug*)
     
    #5 Damien, Aug 17, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2014
  6. EpicConfusion

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    I would try to develop a more personal relationship with him, and decide whether coming out to him is a good idea. I think it would be better to let him know you are ?bi? First and take it from there.