I am 22 years old and a athlete on my university's football team. I have always identified myself as straight, and still do for the most part. But there was this guy in this math course that I was taking and for some reason I could not stop staring at him. At first I thought it was because I secretly hated him or thought he was awkward or something. But one day I badly needed tutoring, *I suck at math* and I asked around if anybody could possibly offer some help and he said he could. So a few days later he came to my apartment and was tutoring me and it was cool and all. Afterwards we chatted for a few and asked general questions (you know the whole where are you from, what’s your major and all that). Shortly thereafter I then realized the reason I felt so strange about him was because I was somewhat attracted to him. It then got to a point in class when I would look at him I would get aroused. Somehow I actually felt bold enough to ask him to come over again so we could hang out...and he agreed. This time around, it was very different when he came over. It was this real strange vibe in the room, like very awkward. Like we were talking and watching tv and stuff but it was a lot of awkward silences. So eventually we got to asking about each other’s personal lives (like if each other had a girlfriend) and it got real tense. Lets just say to keep the story moving he eventually ended up kissing me and I felt kinda weird but afterwards we ended up messing around. I didn’t really know how to feel about it afterwards, so we both just acted as if nothing happened and went on as usual. We had each other’s cell phone numbers initially for tutoring purposes which later became a convenience, as well as the “tutoring sessions.” We started to find ourselves messing around on a weekly basis after our tutoring sessions. My point in this story is to say that, it has been several months later and the semester has ended and we still mess around with each other. I am actually quite concerned because for starters I have NEVER been with another guy before and ironically I still view myself as straight….for the most part. I am just so confused because I’m not attracted to guys AT ALL. I don’t think about them sexually, romantically, emotionally, nothing; and like I said before I’m a football player so I mean I see guys of all kinds naked all the time and it does absolutely nothing for me. To further add to the confusion I still LOVE girls, think they’re the most beautiful creatures on this planet; but it is just something about this guy that just drives me wild. I really don’t know what it is….strangely enough I think he may be the same way as I am because I know at one point he was talking to this Kappa Delta girl. I have been on peaks and valleys with the girls that I mess around with because of this whole ordeal. Like when this first happened I started sleeping with more girls because I was kinda freaked out and thought that maybe I was just horny and desperate and needed to release some sexual frustration. But then after awhile I thought that maybe I could be gay and didn’t need to be using girls to fight what I felt. But I know this isn’t true since I know that I have no attraction to any other guys. It’s so crazy like we are so sexually attracted to each other and I’m even more afraid to admit that the best sexual experiences that I’ve had have been with this guy, its like we’re sexually addicted to each other. I have no desire to be with him romantically and same with him but literally everything about him turns me on, he has a cute face, a beautiful body, and a gorgeous smile. We’re in total lust with each other and I’m SO confused. I really need help and I can’t talk to any of my friends or my teammates about it cuz they would like be all freaked out by it so that’s why I looked this forum site up….and I just feel so depressed almost over it, because I don’t wanna be gay:tears:. I’m not homophobic or anything, I’m actually pro gay, I just love girls waaay too much to be gay. Can someone help me please?? *sorry for the long story btw*
Not really wanting to go long with my response but I read your post. Thanks for posting. The important thing here you should remember is that you don't really need to worry about this label thing. Even if you are deeply concerned about others finding out for such and such a reason... Inside, it doesn't matter does it? You like this person. That is for that, all that matters. You should sort out whether you're pretty much bi or otherwise able to be sexually attracted to (some) men or maybe just one man. There isn't anything wrong with it.
Reading your post, two things come to mind... a) Given that you also have what sound like strong attractions to girls, if I had to put a label on you, I'd say you are probably bi. Note that being bi doesn't mean that you necessarily like men and women to an equal degree, or that the degree to which you do like either gender is set in stone - rather it may change over time. I've also seen mentions here of people who are romantically attracted to one gender and sexually attracted to the other. b) In my time here, I've seen occasional examples of guys who are otherwise straight *except for that one guy*. In some cases this means they also develop romantic feelings for him, in others not. But it seems the attraction (which is mutual) is just for each other. Exactly why that is, isn't clear (nor very important, I would argue). Putting all this together, I'd say this: The two of you are having a good time together and apparently enjoying yourselves quite a lot. How long it lasts and whether it eventually leads to romantic feelings or the two of you just remaining 'fuckbuddies' will eventually work itself out in its own good time. Meanwhile, why not just enjoy the ride and take the attitude that labels are for soup cans? On a final, and somewhat different note - in the course of your post you mention never having been with a guy before. Depending on how you're using the term 'with', I'm not sure if you're meaning doing anything sexual with a guy such as you are now doing or engaging in anal intercourse, which the two of you may be contemplating trying. If the former - well, everyone has a first time and you seem to be doing fine so far If the latter - there are resources here on EC that discuss how to go about it safely and with a minimum of fuss as well as plenty of people here on the forum or among the staff (who you can PM if you wish, even as a new member) who can offer support, pointers, and advice. Of course, if that was just a figure of speech and has nothing to do with anal, please feel free to disregard this part of my message Hope this helps, Todd
