Hello there. I just had to register to this site and maybe get some answers. I have read alot about sexual confusion the last 4-5 months but never found anyone to be exactly like me. Anyway, Im a 28 years old male, and around 5 months it hit me like lightning ; "Maybe Im gay". It came from nowhere, but I think it was because I noticed I often look at men first when wandering down the street. I have _never_ ever though I was gay until now, and it has been riding me ever since. I have struggled with anxiety the last 6-7 years and currently using meds to take care of the worst sympthoms. This was until now unrelated but making things WAY harder now because anxiety kicks in so hard when worrying and questioning myself. I have since 16 yrs old had girls friends. I have been in love a number of times, often with the ones I couldn't get but also with some of the ones I was in relationship with. The word "gay" was never a theme. I even met some gay guys around and just thought it was funny and didn't think much about it. Now I can't get my mind straight. Im currently in a relationship but because of all this anxiety and questioning it doesnt feel right, but I want it to feel right, because she is perfect. So this is me now; * I can get semi-aroused by gay porn, but I don't like to watch it. I don't get fully "erected" by it. Just some minor action going on "downstairs". * Im getting huge ammount of anxiety when men get to "close" to me or if I see one who looks attractive. * Im semi-repulsed by the though of kissing a man or having sex with a man. I don't know if this is just denial, but Im getting this repulsed feeling and semi gag-reflex. * I'm starting to avoid friends because of this. I'm avoiding news papers because I'm afraid some guy will look attractive and react to it. * My attraction towards girls in general has been lowered. But sexually it's no problem at all. So as you can see this is a big problem for me and I can't understand what is going on. Any advise?
It may be possible that you are some degree of bisexual; perhaps you are attracted to both genders, but the attraction to males is much weaker than the attraction to females, so you did not notice it until the thought struck you. Conversely, it may be that you look at men first for a number of reasons, including that men are often taller and, thus, more noticeably from a distance, that society conditions us to see males as the "dominant" or "authority" figure and, in many cultures, are the first member of a group or family that one acknowledges, or that you are the type that looks away from people that you are attracted to; thus, your eyes are pulled towards men because it feels "safer." Of course, people are inclined to attempt to relate anything they hear or are exposed to to themselves, so it is not uncommon for people to ask "Am I gay?" after being exposed to the topic of sexuality, "Do I have cancer/lupus/Ebola/autism/ADD/___?" after hearing about said conditions, "Could I become a serial killer?" after hearing about mass killings, and so forth. In most people, these ruminations do not last too terribly long, as the mind checks such questions against one's experiences and what one considers to be true, but in individuals with any type of anxiety or hyperempathy (i.e. the type of people who can read about someone stubbing their toe and have their own toe be sore for a while after), the mind may struggle to come to a resolution and may doubt and re-doubt its "checkpoints." I've also read that it is not uncommon for people to become aroused by pornographic depictions of any sort, as many people find sex to be, well, sexy. The anxiety aspects makes me wonder if it might be Homosexual OCD, a type of OCD in which one ruminates over the possibility of being a different sexual orientation than they truly are to the point of creating much discomfort and uncertainless. HOCD: Homosexual OCD & Sexual Orientation OCD | Steven J. Seay, Ph.D. Heck, though, I'm neither a psychologist nor an anthropologist, so the above conjectures could be complete and utter nonsense.
I also think you might be bisexual. (Agreeing with Queer NOS above me.) I don't believe the thought that you're gay would strike you unless you did have some latent attraction to men, but that's just me. It could be that you're not quite bi, and just have an appreciation for attractive men? That would explain why the thought of being intimate with a man feels repulsive. You're the best judge of your own gut feelings, though. The only advice I have is to keep exploring this side of yourself and see what turns up. Would you feel comfortable talking about it with your current girlfriend? Maybe discussing this with someone close to you would help.
