Just wondering if anyone has advice or their own story about how they found an identity for theirself in terms of romantic/sexual orientation? I know identities are complex and I don't really like labels (although they can be useful) but I'm fully accepting of my attraction to guys and that I am not attracted to women. I've never called myself gay, have never had a relationship or anything with anyone so still struggle feeling like I'm waiting for a relationship to "prove" to myself that I am indeed gay. Meanwhile I feel stuck and not even that comfortable with straight or gay friends, kinda stuck in between two worlds. Any thoughts?
Don't allow yourself to become distant from your friends due to a bit of confusion. If you feel you need to be in a relationship with a man to be 100% sure of your sexuality there's nothing wrong with that and its a very common feeling, In till then you don't have to label your sexuality. If your very close with your friends come out to them and tell them about your current struggles and they might be able to provide you some enlightenment and comfort. but in my opinion if your only strictly attracted to men then your most likely gay.
Why do you feel stuck between two worlds? More to the point, why are they the only two worlds that exist? I know that most of my groups are friends are mixed in terms of orientation; we have to have something else in common to hold our friendship together, whether it's a shared history, or a shared interest, or a shared profession. I guess my identity doesn't really revolve around my orientation, probably because as I was coming out I tried really hard not to alienate straight friends, sometimes to a fault: I would sometimes go back and deny that I was ever REALLY questioning/into women, and think it might be a phase. But that was dumb. Instead I've started just maintaining those friendships that felt real before I came out. Although I did have some female friends with whom I had nothing in common except straightness, those were the first (and only) friendships to go. I do have some queer friends now with whom I wouldn't have been friends before, but those connections are far more genuine than the friendships I had with straight women whose interests I didn't share before. But I do think it's important to have that space as well. I don't know if any of this helped? Basically my identity is not about "gay" or "straight". My identity hasn't changed. I'm still a sporty dorky nerdy outdoorsy goofy person, and I think actually I'm embracing my individuality more now which made my existing friendships more solid, without needing to build all friendships around sexuality.
thanks so much for the advice. I definitely don't try to make this the main part of my identity (although it does occupy a lot of my emotional bank because of family issues I'm dealing with) and don't try to define friendships based on orientation. I guess sometimes I just feel like I have trouble relating to straight friends and gay friends--maybe because of the college atmosphere where a lot of talk is about relationships and hookups, which creates conversations I really can't add to...although I wish I could! Thanks for the thoughts
