I'm a 15 year old male and have been confused about my sexuality for about a year now. I've had crushes on girls for basically my whole life. I've never once thought about dating a guy. However about 3 years ago, I decided I really wanted to bulk up and muscular men became something of a role model to me, of what I wanted to look like. Fast forward a couple years and now I'm not sure how I feel about guys in general. I still want to date girls and I feel much more romantically attracted to them. The thought of having sex with them is appealing to me, but usually it doesn't give me an erection. With guys I can get erections but only if they're super muscular. I can't see myself with a guy and the thought of having sex with one is a bit off-putting for me. I thought that maybe because I look up to them and I want to be muscular myself might be part of the cause? Also, I tried ejaculating to guys to see if I was gay and I couldn't except for a very little bit. I've wanted a wife and kids my whole life and I still do, but I can't figure out if I prefer men or women. It's a lot to go through especially in high school and I really wish I had a clear answer.
Even though it's confusing and frustrating, you don't have to rush to find the answer. You're still young and you have people to meet and future relationships to go through. If you stay open-minded, you'll figure it out with time. I agree that maybe you get excited from muscular men because you look up to them so much. You could also be bisexual with a romantic preference for girls. Sometimes we have a romantic preference for one gender and a sexual preference for another.
Hi, welcome to EC for starters. At 15, it is perfectly normal to not know. When it comes to sexually it is not as simple as straight and gay, it is not the black and white, and that is perfectly okay. In some people it is fluid, in others it is not. For some it is black and white for others it is gray. It is a web of different thoughts, identities and opinions. EC is a good place to talk to people are all in different locations of this said web. Like you said, it want a wife and you can still have that, if you are straight, bi or pan, you can also have a husband if you choose if you are gay, bi or pan. You can be with whoever you want to be with and and identity how you want. If you discover that you are bi or pan you can still have a wife and kids, being attracted in men and women, does not mean that you cannot have a wife. It can be rough in high school. See if your school has a GSA (gay-straight alliance) PRIDE, LGBTQ or such, or see if there is an LGBT youth center in your area, and find someone to talk this out with. Talking it out helps, a lot.
Thank you so much guys for your replies! Something I think that affects this is the fact I've been bullied in the past for acting "gay" and part of me wants to be straight really badly I think to prove these people wrong.
As it was said before, you've got plenty of time to explore your sexuality. When I was fifteen, I considered myself to be bisexual, but, as I've moved through life, I'm starting to realize that I'm actually FtM trans. Just take the time to find you. I wish you luck.
I think you could be bisexual homoromantic, but you have a whole bunch of time to discover who you are so don't fret alright?
Let me put it this way. There's a penis and a vagina in a tent and the tent is on fire. You can only save one. Which do you save?
Another thing I'm wondering is if hormones has something to do with it because puberty and may be throwing me off on what I want? Sometimes I think I'm over thinking things...
I also think you could be bisexual. In my case, I thought I was straight when my puberty started, to the point that I had crushes on girls and even masturbated to straight "porn" (really just swimsuit models). That went for about a year or so until I started getting attracted to guys, which was definitely scary (growing up in a religious household, I thought it was my "sinful" masturbation that caused this). However, over the years, I realized I was gay and nothing was changing, so I learned to accept it. Like others have said, don't worry too much about your feelings, especially when you feel you have to conform to certain expectations (i.e. wife and kids). That is a recipe for disaster. My advice is never to get married for the sake of marriage (I should know since my parents had an arranged marriage), and never have kids until you're ready. For females, it's a little harder because they have a biological clock, but adoption is another alternative.
