I am female and have had relationships with both men and women, but the way I am attracted to people really confuses me. I have not dated or had sex with anyone in over 3 years now, I'd like to do it, but I don't know where I stand in my sexuality and tbh my libido is a bit low due to stress. 1) Relationships with men don't satisfy me emotionally and sexually. I like them as friends, but anything more just creates lots of unhappiness for me and in the physical/emotional side there is something strongly missing for me. Its not that I dislike it, its just that it does not do for me what I would expect from being physical with somebody? 2)I strongly prefer sex and relationships with women, to the point of being ok with identifying as gay for sometime, but I reverted to queer or bi because of bi-erasure and stuff., I only had 2 girlfriends, and did not live with either of them, so where do I get this strong conviction that only a woman can make me happy? 3)Since many years I fantasise almost exclusive about sex with women, and when I imagine straight sex it is usually from a male perspective. 4) what confuses me is that when I dream, I almost never have same-sex dream, and sometimes I do have straight sex dreams. Its odd, since in waking life I only fantasise about women. How can I be gay if I dream about straight sex? am I actually straight? 5) Sometimes I get attracted sensually to men: like I'd like to make out with him, but then when I try to imagine actual sex, I struggle imagining it. I used to have sex with men, but now I just cannot think about it and get aroused. How can I be bi if don't actually want to have sex with guys? How can I be gay if I still get attracted to guys sometimes? If I get attracted to men, but don't actually like the sex, what does that make me? Bi or gay, or what? Queer is fine as a label, but still I'd like to know where I stand.
I also was like that, I choose Queer as a label. It sounds as if you could also identify as lesbian, or Bi if you are comfortable with it. It's pretty much up to you because there are no fast and hard rules for sexual orientation. I didn't always hate sex with a male, I just felt deeper and more complete with a woman. I look at men and can find them hot but the idea of sex with them is not attractive to me. Oral sex with them makes me feel ill, but with a woman it's amazing. So I chose Queer because I didn't feel comfortable with Lesbian, and Bi didn't feel correct either. So that is my story. It's probably very much more common than either of us realize.
1 and 2) sounds like you're into women, but open to men, in particular cases? 3) yeah, you sound lesbian mostly 4) dreams have very little basis in reality. i wouldn't base anything on dreams personally. 5) i guess sexuality is strange, but i can relate to this confusion. Maybe you find guys physically attractive but not sexually anymore? I guess things can change as your awareness changes too. I haven't really considered it, but queer is a really great term for this.
