Sexual Attraction Synonymous with being "Turned on"?

I think I also tend to fall into this cycle of trying to assess "pantsfeelings" or however you call this feeling of pure sexual attraction. But while some people have very strong physical reactions, but for many (most?) others, the physical sensations are influenced heavily by emotional and psychological factors. I agree that physical sensations alone are hard to interpret.

When I'm "turned on" by a person, I get some physical sensations, but also this intense mental/emotional desire to touch that person and be touched by them, if that makes sense. The physical sensation I get with both men and women, but with women I get a stronger desire to hold them and touch them all over, not just in one place and one way. My imagination gets creative lol... anyways that's how I feel when I feel "sexually attracted" to someone.

 

I think it's not just being turned on alone but it's the person themselves ,that's turning you on and you wanting to get together with that person . Some women I feel stronger attraction than others with some women, it's like I can picture myself having sex with them and I've had sex with them like 10 times in my head just by looking at them , I want to have sex with them . Others i feel both an romantic and sexual attraction , like some of the girls I can see us dating kissing , and yes sex and being together .
But I think the turned on feeling is that you want to sleep with them and sometimes yes you want to do romantic things with them like kiss them hold them caress them . I had once felt with some women I just wanted to be around them all the time but Yes most of the time I do get a very sexual feeling towards them , if their attractive I like what I see , I can't stop looking at them , I check out their bodies subconsciously . With men it's well nothing happens , sure I can tell he's good looking but I don't want to do anything sexual with him , I don't really feel the need to be close to him or want him in my space he's just another random person .

 

If I see a guy I like I will automatically check him out - mostly his arms, I have a thing for that. If I like what I see and his personality is appealing then I could fantasize about have sex with him/relationship, etc. I have no idea what I'm feeling "down there" - all I know is that I want this person as close as possible to me.

I'm not sure if seeing a guy on his own turns me on. For example if I see my husband with his shirt off, my 1st thought is to touch him/tell him how great he looks. Then when I touch him, I get turned on, then I think about having sex with him and am more turned on. It's more like an animalistic kind of feeling...I guess this is lust.

Then there's that love kind of sex where I just want to be close to my husband. I'm not after the physical pleasure during this. It's more of him being as close to be as possible and his whole body is really important here, especially his penis. This is actually the sex I used to have as a teen until I learned how to physically enjoy it.

 

I would say someone you find physically attractive, but not just aesthetically. Like you wouldn't turn them down if they wanted to make out.

 

When I started to allow myself to fully feel my sexual attraction towards women last year, I was completely blown away by the intensity of feelings I hadn't really experienced before. I can only describe it as 'I have to be physically very close to you right now, and I need our naked bodies pressed firmly against each other'. And yes, when I have felt like that, I have physiologically speaking, been very turned on.

But- why I am sexually attracted to someone is multifaceted - pure carnal physical attraction, i.e. do they have a nice face, smile, body etc, and is there an interpersonal chemistry, i.e. is there something about them I'm "bouncing off" or sharing vibes with? So for me, do I feel there is an intensity between us?

So for example I get very turned on by my girlfriend as I find her very sexually attractive due to the two reasons above. Plus, I think another element is starting to come in now - we haven't been plain sailing at times, but due to working through issues our relationship is becoming more solid. Because I feel more secure in the relationship, I feel sexually I can be more vulnerable, which is allowing me to feel more attracted to her.

 

HAHA "pantsfeelings!" wanderinggirl you just made my day.
Sorry, StormInside, I don't actually have anything useful to say, I am too shy and also still very confused about this myself....

 

I will check out a girl and I will walk right past a guy. I can appreciate a good looking man but, I don't want to jump into bed with them the way I would with a woman.

 

TheStormInside, I know how you feel and I'm trying to work through this too. I also repressed my feelings for a very long time, so this whole sexual attraction thing is new to me as well. Sometimes a good-looking man really turns me on and I get the "you, me, bed, now" sort of feeling, but usually it's less physical and I just want to be really close to them. I know that I would enjoy kissing and having sex, but that's not necessarily the immediate draw.

I can definitely recognize attractive women, but it's harder for me to tell what I'm feeling. I don't really get physically turned on by women, but what I feel when I see an attractive women is sometimes close enough to the more subtle attraction to men that I described that I'm not sure how to classify it. However, I think you put it well when you said that being physical with a man feels "invasive" to you -- for me, being sexual with a woman feels invasive; it seems inappropriate, and when I think about sex with a woman there isn't much of an emotional connection. What really turns me on is the idea of passionate, gentle, emotional, loving sex with someone I have very strong feelings for. I don't think I can have that with a woman.

So for me, who I get crushes on seems to be the deciding factor. Maybe that could help you sort out your feelings for men? I don't think I experience sexual attraction as strongly as some others do (at least not before I get to know someone), but the only genuine crushes I've had were on guys.

 

There is a difference between having a physical reaction and wanting to actually follow through on it and get physically close with a person. Also I think our society socializes us to think that it's abnormal to have this feeling rarely/infrequently; we should be walking around with a voracious sexual appetite like a starving polar bear ready to pounce on the first seals we see, and if we don't, then it's probably because of trauma or something. But life isn't all about sex, and it's totally fine if you don't feel this way about every other person you come across. And it manifests differently for different people.

When you have a crush on someone what does it feel like?

 

@The strominsde I don't really think it's different at all, I just think it's more to it than just being turned on. For me I see sexual attraction as who you desire to sleep with as well as who you would like to be with but it doesn't always go hand in hand.
For me It really depends on how attracted I am to the woman and I have not thought about sex with every woman I met, sometimes just making out , and I think of dating her and the sex as well.

 

I see what you're saying. I don't necessarily think you have a lower than average sex drive if this is your experience; I think society over-represents sex drive, thus making interactions that aren't sex-driven appear less normal than they are. In fact they are totally normal. Ignore the pressure to see sex as like the main driver behind all interpersonal/romantic relationships. It's very important, obviously, but it's not the end-all be-all of the human experience.

I also definitely have those days where I doubt my feelings are genuine or that I'm interpreting them correctly; it's a lot of pressure to put on ourselves, and I don't think (at least for me) it's been necessarily helpful or productive to think this way and to force a label, because there are diverse experiences that fall under a particular label.

I also know what you mean about crushes on guys being based around having shared interests etc, whereas with women it's just an instinctual wanting to be close regardless of compatibility.

Maybe the gold-star-lesbianism label isn't for you; maybe you're not 100% gay, but from what you've said here and in the past, I'd label you as "pretty darn homorific". Do you think that fits?

 

Well I don't form emotional bonds because most of the women I liked , I did not know them personally , at the time I felt physical attraction to them , I knew nothing about them. So I don't get how you can get emotional feelings for a person your looking at from a distance , you don't even know them and haven't said a word to yet . For me it's just purely physical attraction and it can be wanting to touch them caress them, kiss, and sometimes have sex with them. It's emotional when you start liking them for who they are and caring about them after getting to know them on a personal level. Seems like a lot of people don't know the difference between physical attraction and emotional attraction.

 

I haven't had crushes on women I was not close to and did not know personally and only very few women I had emotional attachment to . But the reason for this i'm not able to make friends with other women very easily , I have much more male friends than females it's only since resent I've been making female friends .

 

Storm, looks like you're putting pressure on yourself to fit a label. It's not that there aren't expectations under every label (if you're bi you are open to dating guys and in theory this would you up to your family wanting you to try dating men) but ultimately what matters more is how you feel inside. After your behaviors and instincts form certain patterns and you become aware of those patterns, only then can you find a label that suits you. Otherwise, finding a label isn't very helpful.

I think it's really hard to let go of the straight "normal" life, no matter what. And it's hard to think of trying to "measure up" to a label. Stop putting pressure and expectations on yourself; you'll be just faahhhhnnn.

Oh do they ever!

 

sorry typo I've had crushes on women I was not close to and did not know personally
just had to correct this .