Insight on Sexuality

I would think your heterosexual too, since your wife is the only woman your attracted to. Your story is what sexuality being fluid looks like. Would you like to call yourself straight even if your with your wife?, do you still want to be with her?
I wouldn't do the friends with benefits that sounds like trouble, maybe your wife and you should go for counseling the friends with benefits is like putting a band aid on a huge problem.

 

So you have a strong urge to feel a penis inside you ?

Have you tried fantasy ?

 

Aww man , do you still enjoy sex with your wife?

 

I think counseling with help or maybe one about sex therapy

 

We all have urges we can't fulfill. The thing about urges, in my experience, is that they're empty promises. Any relief you get from fulfilling them is temporary and shallow at best. Maybe you could sleep with a guy, yeah. But what will that actually get you? Chances are that you'll want to do it again. Maybe you and your wife can handle that, but maybe not. You never know. Either way, after it's done, you'll find yourself precisely where you started, but a little guilty.

I don't think it's really that different from cheating in heterosexual relationships. I'm not saying you'd be cheating, as your wife is okay with it, but in essence, you've got an urge to sleep outside a marriage that was intended to be monogamous. You've got a choice to make; deny it or don't. If you choose to deny it, there isn't a magic switch. Just self control.

 

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. That's important.

I get what Hex is saying, but I think he oversimplifies bisexual urges somewhat. Over the past 28 years I've come to realize that telling a bisexual to be satisfied with the one sex they have and ignore the other urges is somewhat like telling a gay person to just deny their urges to sleep with someone of the same sex. Not the same, since the bisexual still enjoys sex with the one partner...but comparable, in that an important sexual urge is remaining unfulfilled.

My question is *why* is any partnership assumed (necessarily) to be "intended to be monogamous"? Suppose you find the right guy, and you *do* sometimes have sex with him? What exactly is *wrong* about that? The fact is that your wife can't fulfill all of your sexual needs...it's unfortunate but seemingly true.

In general, our partner can never fulfill *all* our needs, right? Maybe neither of you is a good cook, or neither of you is comfortable with all the ins and outs of filling out your tax forms. If you both agree it makes sense, then you involve a 3rd party to do these things. I know it sounds like an odd analogy...but it seems to me that as long as you're both ok with involving a 3rd person, there's nothing wrong with that solution.

The question (and I'm 100% with you here, being in an extremely similar situation myself) is whether that guy will introduce...complications...into your relationship or your feelings for your partner. The answer to that question depends on you, your partner, the *real* strength of your relationship, and the guy...so it's largely unanswerable without trying it.

The one thing that is certain is that those urges/desires for men are not going to go away.

 

don't do the threesome that's going to be painful for your wife after a while .:dry:
It's not easy to watch someone you love have sex with someone else right in front of you .

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2014 at 03:29 PM ----------

I agree with this .

I also agree with Annika because if your sex life with your wife was great you wouldn't want to be with a man that badly i"m not saying you wouldn't have any urges but you would be able to control them .

 

Well if you had your wife's consent. I say get ya some! But it is totally up to you. I have never been in a romantic relationship with anybody so my advice is probably not valid.

 

Mmm, I think you're missing me a bit here stocking. My partner and I have very satisfying sex. But it can only ever be sex between two women...which only scratches part of this bisexual woman's itch. As years have gone by, my desire for sex with a man has increased tremendously...the quality of my sex life with my partner has not correspondingly decreased.

It's nothing to do with what you have not being good...or even good enough. I could have the *perfect* male lover...but I'd still crave being with a woman; I could have the *perfect* female lover...but I'd still crave being with a man.

Put another way, you can't "cure" bisexuality with good sex.

 

I didn't mean it could be cured with good sex , I just mean like if things were all good in there relationship she wouldn't want to go outside of it .

 

Is she not ? If you did some role play from time to time with her in a role you attribute with a male... only from time to time... would that relieve you ?

 

And I find that that theory unduly glamorizes monogamy, and misunderstands bisexuality. All is good in my relationship with my partner. Wonderful even. It does *not* relieve my desire for male contact.

It of course *could* be different with the OP...but it sounds not to be the case.

Monogamy has certain advantages. But it is not a completely natural state for humans (else it would not be such a requirement for marriage...nor would it be so frequently violated). To presuppose that a physical desire outside the bonds of monogamy indicates a problem with the relationship is to misunderstand both bisexuality and human nature.

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2014 at 10:34 PM ----------

I said "seemingly true"...I based my statement on what the OP told us (and reinforced).

I know that the role-playing thing does not work for me. Fun, yes, but a replacement for an actual man? No.

 

Hi Ashurii,

We haven't yet reached the point of doing this, but I suspect this is where my partner and I are headed as well. We have the advantage that we're both bisexual, and have both been missing men...but I'd think you and your partner can work out something that specifies exactly what the man can and cannot do and with/to whom...and I'd urge you strongly to take the time to work that out explicitly, and put it in writing (not as a contract, but simply because having it written down will make the rules crystal clear to everyone involved).

Our thing is that we have no desire at all to have sex *without* one another...but we also both have a strong desire to have sex that involves a male...so this solution of sharing a man seems to fit our needs pretty exactly, in a way that "opening the relationship" would not.

If you try this, I'd be very curious to hear any of your thoughts (that you'd be willing to share) about how it went, how you feel about it, and how your partner feels about it.

On your question of how to identify, unless it really bothers you, I wouldn't worry about putting a name to it. Maybe your partner will be the only woman to whom you are ever sexually attracted...maybe you'll find others...maybe having sex with a man again after this hiatus will convince you that you never want/need it again. Who can know? For now, all that's important is that you're sexually attracted to your partner and to men. If you really want a label for that, then if your partner's name is X, you can always label your sexuality as X-and-guy-uality (as in "I'm a X-and-guy-ual"...or maybe "X-and-man-ual"...it's kind of fun having that "manual" in there).

In any case, very much good luck to you!

 

I feel you're being a bit black and white about bisexuality here. Not every bisexual feels this way.