Hello everyone, I'm 26 years old and I have never been with another woman. I just am not sure what to do anymore. For a bit of a back-story. I'm not sure exactly when I knew. But from an extremely young age I've always been some what of a tom boy (played with toy lizards, snakes, remote control cars, rock collecting, etc) only wore a dress/skirt when I had too and never really played with any of the prissy typical girl toys. I think my sexuality was delay a bit since I lived with a very overprotective mother (monitored everything we watched, around 24/7 literally, etc) and lived on a military base for most of my childhood, so I was never exposed to LGBT community in any capacity. I suppose I was asexual at that point up until I was about 13. I just never felt any sexual attraction towards anything. The first movie I saw on VHS, seemed to change everything. I'm not sure why I decided to watch "Henry and June" a tape my mother had with Maria de Medeiros and Uma Thurman but once I saw that sexual scene with those two, I could not get enough. I would sneak in the room and watch that scene over and over again, and it's like it sparked something. When I got a personal laptop and we had access to Starz, I used to go on lesbian websites and watch I would sneak downstairs at night 10PM and watch the L word religiously. I understand that it's just television and entertainment but I felt at the point it was kinda my 'reality'. Ever since I've had this yearning to have a sexual experience with a woman. I find women incredibly attractive, beautiful, seductive. I feel like I could connect on an emotional level far more then I ever could with a male. I've had a few bfs, and have never been pleased. I've suffered from incredibly low self-esteem and the first male that ask me to be his gf and I just said yes. Not because I was attracted to him, just felt it was the "normal" thing to do. A part of me is absolutely terrified with being with a woman. Scared of actually having a sexual experience, the possibility of *everyone* finding out and treating me different. I work in a place with 99.9% women and virtually everyone is married/bf/children. I couldn't imagine the intense uncomfortableness and rumors that would spread around that place like wildfire. Thinking about someone I was once friends with, thinking how I feel is sick and disgusting. I've already told a handful of people how I felt. Either they didn't take me seriously, said I was "mentally ill", or that I just haven't found the right male. I feel like I'm just too old to be feeling this way, that I need to get over myself I just find someone nice and genuine and get on with life. I feel so trapped within myself I don't know what to do sometimes. I think I've almost about driven myself crazy with this.
You are never too old to discover your sexuality. There have been people realizing it in their 60s, and some realize it when they are barely old enough to know what sex is. Everyone who finds out they are not straight is afraid of reception. It's normal for the LGBT community. Keep an open mind about your attractions and try to distract yourself if it bothers you. Don't worry about coming out for now; you have a lot of time to phrase it, and you don't even have to come out if you don't want to (though, if you're getting a girlfriend, that's probably not the best road to go down).
This. "Be who you are, love who you love, 'cause you've only got so many trips round the sun" Random quote from the song Follow Your Arrow.
You're not too old to be feeling this way. People can question and come out at any age, and it's fine. All I want to say is, there's no reason this person couldn't be a woman.
Yeah it's tough being surrounded only by straight people all the time. You need to find a way to expand your social circle and meet other lgbt people. Unfortunately, I can't give any advice on how to do that since I've always been struggling with the same problem. And if your friends don't accept you, they aren't really your friends, are they?
Thank you everyone for the responses. Its' just difficult, I know I feel it's just, coming from an overprotective place, makes thing more difficult. It's like this...I haven't been the most ideal child in certain circumstances. Been told that i'm im 'impulsive, don't think, goes down the 'wrong' road, etc". So if i were to come out, everything, essentially my FAMILY would be like....stop saying that crap, you're just on the wrong road, you never think, etc. As nicely as I'd hope they say that and if they aren't mad lol. I just predict they will. ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2014 at 08:35 PM ---------- It is tough and I don't anyone WELL currently that's part of the LGBT community. But i want too find a group so bad...it's unbearable sometimes...just people that GET IT that understand. It's so hard, it's like everyone has, including myself, shit they have to deal with, with life, finances, family/friend situations, life situations....just a whole list of things....but it's like...feeling so completely "alone" just fucking sucks....
