Hello Everyone, To say im heart broken right now is an understatement :icon_sad: I meet Scott in January this year and since then its been a world-wind relationship. We got together and got engaged within two months and fell in love so fast but just thought it felt right. Moved in together in May which is when things got bad. Our intimacy was great at the start and i could feel how much he was into it but when we moved in together it got less and less to about once every 2 weeks and that's me asking him and always pursuing. We eventually got help and went to the doctors to check his testosterone which came back all fine and also 4 different therapists. He did confess one day that he thinks about men a fair bit and is confused about how he feels and was breaking down crying, we decided to see one of the top therapists in the city who asked him if he wants to have sex with a man and he replied "no" and she swept it off and said if you are thinking you maybe gay you are "going down a dark path" its probably commitment issues which is what we thought it was until now. Scott said after the therapist he felt this sounds right it must be commitment issues and told himself he wasn't gay because he didn't want to be with a man in that way and continued on. Then last weekend i saw he opened a message from a guy at work who is actually homosexual himself calling me "sweety" and asking Scott for adivse with his current boyfriend. I asked Scott about this and if there was something going on as all of his previous messages had been delated, he kept denying it until i said if he is denying these feelings he is making himself unhappy and also getting married would be the worst if he likes men. He finally told me that up until very recently he is pretty sure he prefers men (80% men 20% women). We decided to split on Sunday and cancel our wedding cause he wants to be alone for a while and figure out what he prefers and he can even experience it if he wishes. With his previous girlfriends sex has always faded and he doesnt have any sexual feelings towards any sex right now. He says that men have always been in the back of his head but he never acted on it as he thought he was straight. On the weekend he saw men streaking and said he got aroused a little and could have sex with a man if he wanted to and even date one but he wants to be alone for a year or so to figure it out, just becuase he doesnt want sex now with any sex doesnt mean he doesnt in the future it may just be he needs to feel comfortable knowing who is he is first i guess but he doesnt even enjoy making out. Last night we decided to do some tests to see if we could get more of an idea about his orientation and did the Kinsey scale test which he scored "Non Sexual" and the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid where he got "2.9" which 3 is bisexual. My question is reading my essay does anyone have any ideas of his orientation and could a man who might be open to both sexs be happy in a relationship with a women? Should i let him be free and move on? Any advice will help
Hello, welcome to EC. My personal thoughts about this: Only him can answer that question. Based by what you said, he seems at least bisexual, but peraphs gay. I'm not saying he is gay/bisexual, as i said, he is the only person who can think about himself and answer this. Sure! I'm bisexual (with a preference for men), and, althought i'm in a relationship with another man currently, i can see myself perfectly happy with both a man or a woman. I say frequently to my boyfriend (to annoy him a bit, haha) that, if he was a woman, i would love him exactly the same way. If you think you are helping him, then i think you should keep trying to help him to discover more about himself. You both may end up together (if he concludes he is straight or bisexual). But, you need to be prepared in case you two need to break up. In that case, don't blame him.
I suggest let him figure this out for himself. I know for myself, I always thought I was straight and when I realized I wasn't, it came as a great shock. I never would have expected. But, it's not something that happened over a couple of days. For me it took months to realize/accept and come out. For others it takes years, and then some people never figure it out and live their life knowing something is off, but never really understanding what it is. It's a very personal process that only he can experience. He is the only one who knows the answer and needs time to figure out what that answer is. As difficult as it was to end your relationship and cancel the marriage, if it does turn out that he's gay, it will be best because it will only be more complicated if you do marry and if you end up having children. It's even difficult at this point for him to determine whether he is bi or whether he is gay. Again, for me I originally thought i was bi because I was married, I had kids. It didn't take long after beginning to accept that I liked women did I realize I do not like men at all. I have never been in love until recently (and it's a woman). I had thought I was in love, but had no idea what that feels like until now. I thought I was emotionally distant, but now that I know it's women I like, emotions are everywhere and unlike anything I've felt before. I was never fond of sex but I thought it was just me. It took time for me to realize all of this. The best advice I can give right now is give him his space to figure this out, if you still want to be in his life, then be a friend, but don't put your life on hold while he figures out his. Be good to yourself and live your life, meet new people, and try to stay busy to help you cope for now. You will find someone who can love you the way you can love them and your ex can't do that right now. You seem like a very caring and thoughtful person to be here and trying to understand. I wish you luck and remember to take care of yourself.
