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What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alder, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. Alder

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    Eg for sexual orientation, I'm assuming it's not just about arousal? Does arousal necessarily always equal attraction and vice versa? I know it plays a part though. But honestly, I'm just jumping around trying to understand these things more at the end of the day too :slight_smile:

    What are some things you can consider when exploring or trying to understand your orientation more? I've heard things such as who you would want to spend your life with, which sex/gender you are attracted to, considering the genitals, considering emotional bonds and stuff like that, etc.

    Just wondering if there was anything else that any of you considered or found/are finding useful when exploring yourself more (*hug*)
     
  2. SpaceCadet

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    Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    I think the gold standard pertains to monogamous coupling. With whom do you want to be monogamous and grow the most significant relationship, an emotional parnership? This may change throughout life, but it reveals who you are to yourself. I think sexual attraction can be fairly fluid for most people who are comfortable with being open to everyone they are drawn to. You may or may not develop a sexual desire, but "attraction" is there just the same. I do believe one finds a pattern in who they are attracted to, then sexually desire and connect in full significant monogamous partnership with.
     
  3. Lexington

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    Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    I actually went from arousal INTO coupling. Once I realized that it was men that was making me pudgy in the drawers, and fantasizing about that for a while, I started thinking "Well, would I want a boyfriend? Would I want to settle down with a guy?" And that didn't seem weird at all.

    I do think there might be more subliminal societal pressure on questioning people when it comes to coupling. I certainly have run into people who said "But the idea of settling down with the same sex just seems so weird/wrong/unnatural", but who later DID do just that. (And to forestall any arguments, homosexual/heteroromantic people do exist. :slight_smile: )

    Lex
     
  4. Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    Well, I'm still sort of questioning some things about my sexuality after a whole year - But I know more of who I am now than I did the first day I questioned myself!

    Okay, I will start by saying that as a person who pretty much only loves personality and someone's affect on my life (I've had a few exceptions though), looking at pictures of people who were aesthetically hot did not help very much. It just made me anxious when I kept forcing myself to feel attraction just by looking at good looking people I barely even knew or only have a platonic fan relationship with them.

    Also, and this is not for many people, but seeing gay or straight couples on TV/movies kiss didn't help either. That can just be because kissing is a personal thing for you or something - I think that's what it is for me.

    Now, as for what did help me, well, these are the questions I asked myself:

    1. Who do I get butterflies around?
    2. What gender(s) do I have an emotional connection with?
    3. What gender(s) do I like imagining having sex with or which gender(s) do I sexually fantasize about?
    4. Who do I want to spend the rest of my life with?
    5. How close was I to my past crushes?
    6. What gender(s) would I like to be 'romantic' with?

    By asking myself these questions, I realized I am more of a panromantic than a bisexual - I identify with pan now because for ME, the "p" in pan means personality - And I feel like the pan label works well for me because I really only fall in love with personality, not gender. And as for sexually, I'm a homo-sexual because while I like people who could be of any gender, I really don't want to have sex with men and the only time I find men arousing is in yaoi (boy x boy smut) - So, yeah, I tend to lean more to women on the sexual side of things, but I can like anyone of any gender (not literally everyone by the way lol) romantically! Number 5 especially helped me figured this out better, because everyone I liked before - Which was a combination of men and women - was someone whose personality I had known and that I had a connection with them.

    So, yeah, I hope this helps! I see that you have been struggling with your sexuality, but you will figure it out! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Alder

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    Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    Thank you so much to everyone! :slight_smile:

    I'm happy with who I am at the moment even though I don't really have an exact label for it, so I'm sort of trying to see if I can eventually find a label that fits. Or just not using labels at all if I'm okay with that at the end of the day.

    Sometimes I take some time to think/explore myself a bit more, but I'm mainly taking it slow and just seeing how things go naturally. Thanks for all the advice though, it really helps figure some things out (*hug*)
     
  6. Artheistic

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    Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    Hi

    i am fairly new here and i dont know much yet since i began questioning my sexuality last june but i think this thread can be really helpful to me..

    What do you guys think of this situation.
    I believe all my life that i was straight because i move and act like one.. im not bound for girl manners and are fine with being manly.. in fact i am in a relationship with a girl until last month..
    The turning point of my ideals is when i've had a sexual encounter with my maybe another bisexual guy friend..
    It turns out that i am so natural with the act unlike with me having sex with girls.. having sex with girls for me is like forcing myself in something i dont inherently enjoy..does this mean that i am indeed a bisexual with social attraction to girls but sexual attraction to guys?

    Thanks,
     
  7. Alder

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    Re: What are things to think on/ask yourself when exploring sexual/romantic orientati

    Hey Artheistic, well hope this forum / thread / website helps in some way or another :slight_smile: There's some great threads and useful information on here that has helped me a lot.

    Honestly all I can say is good luck with anything you might be going through/thinking through as well!