Here again because I'm a little confused about the label that I should use. Yeah, I know that we are not supposed to restrict ourselves to those words, but I'd like to have something to help describing my orientation or give some idea about how my sexuality works. So... I've been questioning since I had a crush on my female best friend. It was something far closer to a romantic attraction than a sexual one and that's pretty much what makes me wonder if I should put this experience in consideration. Anyway, I've been thinking which label I could use for myself. The one that seems to best fit is the lesbian one or that's what I think that makes more sense to me because: - I never had any crush on a guy. - The idea of me staying in a relationship with so done of the opposite sex doesn't sound good to me. - I had a crush on a girl and some sort of curiosity about having some sort of sexual activity with a few people of the same sex. - Women are usually much more aesthetic attractive for me. - I'm way too picky about the man I'd like to have as a partner to the point in which I even joke to myself that no man is going to be able to "pass my tests" and I'd like things to keep that way. But... There are some things that really makes me believe that I'm wrong like... - I always had "celebrity/fictional character crush" on the guys. - My fantasies usually have a guy in the middle and women are rare. - I have aesthetic attraction more often for men than I do with women, but it's not as strong. Also, most people I end up by giving me opinions about my sexual orientation(sometimes I don't even ask for it!) say that I am bisexual. Now... When I think about the label that I could use for me, the straight one is the one that seems less wrong for me. That's what my feelings tell me, actually. To be honest, the only thing that doesn't make me identify as such is what I just wrote about my homosexual tendency. It makes me wonder if I could just use the heteroflexible label, it seems to be much better for me, but the problem that I've got with it is the fact that most people whose identify themselves this way are just straight people interested in sex with the same sex which for me is not exactly the case. I don't think my feelings are just mere curiosity and purely sexual. They are much more to the emotional side, but it could just be because I don't like to word them that way. Another thing: am I even attracted to males at all? Why should I use the straight or heteroflexible label if I never felt sexual attraction towards the opposite sex? Really... It's something very confusing for me.
Before I start, ultimately only you yourself can determine the correct label , if any for yourself. I know that's not what you're looking for, but it's the truth. This is familiar to me, as I've head similar feelings for my male best friend, who'm I've known since age 5/6. But after thinking about it for a long time and really examining my feelings, I came to realise that: A. I wasn't sexually attracted to him at all. I didn't even want to kiss him. B. It was ultimately just an extremely strong feeling of friendship, i.e. Bromance, not actual romance. So maybe you could try the same and evaluate your feelings closely. Sometimes and for some people the line between close friends and lovers can become blurred. In fact falling in love with your best friend, same sex or not, seems to happen quite often, if the internet is anything to go by. Some of those people fall in love permanently and to others it's just a phase or a case of mistaking it for strong friendship. To that's not conclusive, it's strong indicator. Do you often think about the ideal male partner? For fun? Idealistic reasons or because you actually want to be with a guy? This could be just a case of falling in love with an ideal person, with regards to morals, behaviour, appearance etc. Most fiction and non-fiction still feature guys as the MC, so you'll see far more men than women. Fantasies and for that matter porn are not necesarrily indicative of your sexual orientation. I myself for example fantasize and watch porn about guys exclusively because that's what I can relate to. That doesn't change though that I find women attractive as well and have fallen in love with one or two in the past. Do you mean like what's aesthetically appealing to you, or what makes you romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone? Can't speak to that as I don't know those people or you well enough, You could also identify as queer or questioning. You're under no obligation to be sure about your sexual identity. Life is one big mystery and the search for discovery doesn't have an experation date.
Thanks for the reply. Well... I used to see this girl I had I crush on just like my best friend, there was a time in which I became very strongly emotional attracted to her. I wanted to stay close to her as much as I could, hold her hands, cuddle and even kiss her. I already felt like wanting to have some sort of sexual activity with her, but this thought rarely crossed my mind at all. This happened through a few months, so I'm not really sure if I could consider this an indicator of my sexual attraction or not. To be honest, I really don't want to be with a guy and I don't mind having no partner until I did, really. I don't keep on thinking about an ideal boyfriend very often, but the image I have seems to be so far away from the reality or at least that's how I've been taught. I was talking only about the aesthetic appealing aspect. I (possibly) just felt romantic/sexual attraction towards this friend.
It seems to me, that with regards to guys you seem to conciously or unconciously cling to what is socially expected from you. Since you say you have no desire to be with a guy, but have had strong attractions to women. And, keeping in mind that I do not know you, I get the feeling that you are still questioning whether the option of also being attracted to guys isn't there. IMO you shouldn't worry. You'll be attracted to whomever you'll be attracted to, regardless of what labels others, or indeed even yourself thought fit you. I know I'm repeating myself and it's not what you'd like to hear, but you don't need a label, certainly not a definitive one. Hence why I suggested queer or questioning. Or just none at all. I hope I'm not making things more confused for you though. :icon_wink
That's okay. I even thought about not labeling myself at all, it's just that doing so is a little strange for me and I'd preffer to be able to know which gender I'm attracted to, but oh well... Yeah, I'm still questioning myself about a sexual attraction to guys, but the more I analise it the more it seems like I have no interest in them at all. Not going to label myself yet though, I'll give me some time to think about what I'm going to do with this label thing. :rolle: Thanks for the reply, it might not have the answer to my sexuality, but it's not useless or making things more confusing for me.
