It's been a while since I first started questioning my orientation... But at the same time, I don't really have any way to know for sure, and it's making me feel really.. I don't know.. Depressed maybe? And stressed. I don't know who I am... And I don't even know who I want to be. It's almost causing me to feel a bit.. Uneasy and scared in a weird way. I know that I find some, but not many, guys attractive. I've been attracted to guys before. I've never had a boyfriend, and have never kissed a guy, but have thought about it with a few guys. However.. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable doing much more with a guy other than kissing in a sexual way, so to speak. It kinda.. Freaks me out a bit.. On the other hand... I've found in recent years I've been finding girls attractive too, much like I have with guys... But different feelings... I get more nervous around girls that I've possibly formed crushes on... And it makes me feel almost guilty that I do.. I'm not sure why.. But I do.. I could find myself more comfortable going farther than kissing with a girl.. Not saying that I would or will anytime soon, considering I'm still young. On the topic of me being young... Am I too young to know.. Perhaps I'm just.. Thinking I'm something I'm not... Thinking I'm maybe bisexual when I'm really not... And perhaps my feelings are just in my head. I feel like it could be.. Or maybe it's what I want.. But some days it just... The more I think about it the more I come to a conclusion that I think I really am bi.. But I don't know. I just don't know.. I'm so confused.. And it just makes me feel so conflicted between feelings... That's part of the reason I joined this site... In hope of... Being able to figure this out..
It sounds to me like you're just not sure yet about your sexuality, and thats okay. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't straight until I was around 16 or 17. At that point, I just decided I was bisexual. Then, after a lot of thought, it occurred to me that being bisexual requires one to still have an attraction to the opposite sex, which I did not. That's when I finally accepted that I was gay. As far as you not having "experience"...you're 15! That's not unheard of. I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 18. You'll figure yourself out. You just have to be patient. But I promise it wont always be this confusing. With all the hormones rushing through your body and brain, it's hard to tell which way is up sometimes. Eventually, the smoke will clear and so will your mind. Then you'll know. And, as I'm sure (or at least hope) you already know, should you turn out to be homosexual or bisexual...it's not who you are. It's just a part of you. And fortunately, the social tide is turning in such a positive direction that things will only be easier from here on out, especially for the younger generation. Hang in there!
