Hey everyone, I'm Daisy. This is my first post on here, as I want to see what you all think of me and my situation before I get comfy here. Okay so, I don't really know if I'm straight. Or gay. Or bisexual. I'm 16 (17 in a few days) and I'm a girl. I'm very comfortable as a girl and although I don't always dress girly, I know I'm definitely a girl at heart. I've been with the same boy for 4 years now, and I liked him as soon as I met him. However we have not always had a great relationship; we argue nearly all the time and it can get stressful. We have not kissed in over a month. This is because I just don't want to kiss him. Plain and simple. I don't understand but for the past year I have felt very little sexual attraction to him and I don't get butterflies or anything when he's with me anymore. I used to. I don't even like when he has his hand around my waist anymore. I always make an excuse to move away. As you can probably tell this has caused many arguments which make me feel very guilty because I know deep down I don't want to be intimate with him. But I do feel like I love him. But I think it's more of a "comfortable" love because I've been with him for so long. I had never considered myself to ever be a lesbian or even bisexual. But for the past year I have been constantly daydreaming of being with a girl. I met an older girl in my town a few months ago and she was openly lesbian and also magical. I was really attracted to her and I couldn't stop thinking about her. She has this thing about her that I've never seen in any guy, it was so intriguing. Now I'm part of a female roller derby team, I find myself immersed in a fully LGBTQ supportive group which had opened my eyes to the community. Despite this I have not mentioned my confusion to anyone because I really can't figure out if I'm bisexual or not. I can look at both guys and girls in a sexual way but I find more guys attractive than girls. However when I see a girl I like I think she's a million times more attractive to me than all the guys. What I don't understand is how I can suddenly not be attracted to my boyfriend? Should I break up with him? Or will this pass? How can I know if I like girls when I have never even kissed one before? How can I figure this out? I feel so alone and trapped. I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from, and I would love some help. I'm just trying to figure out who I really am.
Daisy, from what you wrote, that you can look at both guys and girls in a sexual way, it's likely that you're bisexual. Being bisexual doesn't mean that you need to be equally attracted to both guys and girls. As for your boyfriend, there could be any number of reasons why you don't feel sexually attracted to him right now. And, yes, you can be bisexual without having kissed a girl. The more relevant question is do you want to kiss a girl? Hope this helps you think about things.
Yes, I know for sure that I'm pansexual and I've never kissed ANYONE. It seems to me that you're attracted to girls, and you have relationship fantasies about being with girls, rather than sexual fantasies, so that's more reliable. Pretty much, if you find girls and boys both sexually and emotionally attractive, then you're bisexual. You don't need experience to prove it. I hope you'll enjoy the supportive community here at EC and get a clearer image of who you are.
Thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate the time you've taken to respond and share your advice. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else- I'm bisexual. I'm happy with this label but I still will not be able to tell anyone I know in real life, due to it likely damaging my relationship with my boyfriend and friends. I hope in the future I am able to be more open about things with others, but for now I will continue my relationship with my boyfriend and hopefully now I'm more confident in my sexuality I can relax with him and not worry there's something wrong with me. I'm looking forward to discovering more layers of myself I had never considered, I love this community already
Hiya Daisy, I am Tia. It sounds like you are bisexual with a preference to girls, like me. *high five No, it probably won't pass. How many boys did you kiss/have romantic/sexual relations with BEFORE your first boyfriend? Also think about how many your buddies had, probably not that many. But you all still knew that you were attracted to boys, even without being with one in that sense. Maybe a few will realise later on that they aren't 100% straight, but generally you know if you like someone or not without....trying the product. I think you should break up with your boyfriend, yes. As I am sure you are aware it isn't fair on him OR you. You can't "find yourself" with that kinda baggage and guilt. I would explain everything you said here, maybe even show him this post, or an edited version of it. It probably isn't that sudden. A lot of people (including myself) "suddenly" realise that they are gay/bi/trans whatever, but really it tends to be that they have been busy with other stuff and repressed it, then one day, it hits you- like meeting a girl that you were turned on by, or in my case, finding my best {female} friends name in my workbook surrounded my hearts- fuck stereotypes right? LOL. I sound like more of a fool than unusual, I am really sorry, I hope I have got my point across.
I definitely realized it suddenly. Well, I realized I was acting the same way with some boys as I normally act near girls I find attractive, and that's what got me thinking. I didn't know what pansexuality was, but when I heard of it, it definitely fitted me.
Thanks guys, I guess I was just kidding myself thinking this was going to end and I would be attracted to my boyfriend like I used to be. That clearly isn't going to happen. Yeah I've only had one serious relationship with a guy but I knew I liked him before I ever kissed a guy properly, so I know I would enjoy kissing a girl despite never having done so. Maybe I'll talk to my boyfriend about this and see what he says, he usually says I'm a lesbian anyway, but I think he's joking. Thanks for the advice though guys, it really helps me
I am confused too in the way you explain, the way I see it, I'm not attracted to girls or guys. I am just attracted to people. If they are nice and really show love, I might be attracted.
