I like one word titles, I really do. They seem so simple, like how I wish this problem was for me. Now that I'm unsure, questioning and overall getting stressed over a hell of a lot of nothing. It's one of those threads the ones where I give you an explanation of what I'm going through and hope that you might be able to help me solve this strange problem that I don't really understand. I feel like I'm forcing myself to do this as well, I feel like I should be doing this on my own but the logical and more important part of my brain knows that handling this alone is a stupid thing to do. Sorry for this massive intro as well, it's more for me than for you, just to assure myself that I should be doing this. Before I start I'd like to get my age off to the side and forget about it. No, I've not felt any sexual attraction, yes I know I'm young and could develop it later, yes I know I have lots of time to figure it out, but I'd like to have a place to start and preferably an end to my uncomfortable worrying. No, I'm not looking for a label, I've had my fair share of them and I want them no more but yes I want to validate what I'm feeling as I wonder if anyone else has felt it before as well. I'm not sure if I'm bi, straight or gay or anything in between. I feel like my feeling are fucking with me at the moment and the logical and analytical part of my brain doesn't like it. I'm having issues differentiating between my feeling and my thoughts and I don't know if that line even exists. I think I've felt attraction to guys before, I say I think as it seems like sometimes I feel so unsure about myself and that I'm forcing myself into feeling that way but other times I feel so certain that I wonder how I could worry in the first place. Yo be honest I'm not even sure if it's attraction or admiration, so let me explain it to you. I have a very blurred recollection of my thoughts of previous years, mainly of things that embarrass me or terrify me. Usually the first causing the second. I have faint recollections of being disappointed when a male stripper act in a drama got stopped midway through (this is very difficult for me to be open about, just so you know) their act, I remember having a male friends round and trying to make myself look as good looking as possible (I suspect I may have had a crush on him) and telling myself that I'm not gay I just want to impress him, at least, that's what I think I thought. I can also remember recently having a crush on a girl on my class which felt genuine enough. The thing that started me questioning however is recently I was at a friends house and I noticed that I enjoyed being very close with friends, touchy, embarrassing as that is for me to say, it was true. I think I've developed a crush on one of my best friends, like, I want to be around him, I enjoy being close with him, I even considered asking him out (back when u was really confident in my sexuality) before realising it was ridiculous as he was says that he is straight. Thing is, people often talk about getting butterflies in their stomach when around their crush and that's never really happened so I'm unsure if it's a real crush or just a very strong friendship. I feel like I've been attracted (aesthetically) to celebrities of both genders but I'm uncertain if I actually feel that way or if I am forcing myself to feel that way to fit with who I want to be. I don't really know what it it, something about their face makes me captivated by them, I just want to stare at them for ages upon ages. If you read through all of this then thanks, it really means something to me, if you didn't then basically I'm just feeling confused about my sexuality. Could anyone help?
Hey broseph I remember pretty much my own version of all those feelings and experiences you describe. Since you're such a thinker you're thinking about this a lot. When you do that you get confused, pretty much like when you think too much about any one topic. If you can manage to concentrate more on where your reactions come from and try (in a zen sort of way) to follow where they naturally conclude you may gain insight previously unavailable to you. Hope that wasn't incomprehensible gibberish.
I've had a similar problem. If you want to like guys, then you probably do like them. It's when you don't want to like a particular gender that you're more likely to be lying to yourself. As you said, you are still young, but you're lucky that you can already thing about it. For me, I didn't even know it was possible 'til I was fourteen, and even now, I'm still sorting things out. Coming out as bisexual is a good first step. Try actually dating both guys and girls – genuinely, not just as experiments. Don't try to force any feelings. Just let it come naturally to you. You'll figure it out over the course of a few years, most likely.
Thanks guys (using it as gender neutral for people hope no one is offended ) for letting me know that I'm not the only one who went through this, I'll try to go all zen, I might even discover my hidden Nen On the part of coming out, I used to be a lot more confident in who I was and came out already, despite feeling stupid about doing that now, I'm glad that was some advice you could give.
