So I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably a Kinsey 2. Great, right? Not so much. As weird as it sounds I want to be gay for 3 reasons. The first is probably the most important thing blocking me from wanting to be straight and it's really fucking weird. Basically I have this natural repulsion from piercings, makeup, nail polish, those sorts of things. I have no fucking clue where this came from and it's really fucking annoying but I've tried to get rid of it for so long and nothing's happening. Almost all women use at least one of those so basically because of some fucked up wiring in my brain I'm like "prevented" from ever being in a straight relationship. The second is that I'm emotionally much more attracted to guys. This is nothing sexist, in fact I tend to make better friends with girls (I can overcome my bizarre fucked up aversion thing for friendships so long as I don't come close to the offending object/characteristic). Third, I'm in a family of three siblings, both of whom are better than I am in pretty much every way, and to make matters worse one of my best friends is too. If you cloned my brother or sister, or my friend, and then made almost every aspect worse, you'd get me. So I'm not even just not unique I'm like a bad fake. I'm the megabloks to everyone else's legos. So as weird as it sounds I want something to differentiate myself, and this is one of the only ways I can be different. Instead of being "oh this is the young lastname not the GOOD one," I could be unique in at least one way even if it was just to my friends (my parents are very conservative). I realize this makes no sense but I'd really appreciate some help anyway. Overview: I'm sexually mostly straight but emotionally gay, I have a bizarre deeply rooted psychological aversion to jewelry and makeup and the like, and I want to be gay. wtf evolution why you do this to me.
First let me start off on the confidence side of yourself... I'm the megabloks to everyone else's legos. Hell no you ain't! I have best friend who believes her sister is better than her in every way possible; she feels worthless to her parents and others when compared with her sister. You're your own person, who are you trying to impress, ay? Just live your life being YOU, life isn't a competition, you just have to find happiness and make the most of your days on this planet. Don't stress about "not being better" or being a "bad fake" because that's just not true! I'm sure you're a lovely, brilliant fun person, and all you need to do is broaden your horizons, find your own hobbies to be good at, give everything a try, get real talented at something, pursue your interests! You are what your sexuality suggests. Don't try and force your sexuality on yourself for outside reasons. Be who you truly are and you'll find yourself generally a lot happier. Don't compare yourself to others, because the thing you have to remember is you are your worst critic We always tend to find bad things about ourselves and make a bigger deal about them than they actually are, just don't be too harsh on yourself okay, even though it is easier said than done, I believe you can do it I don't know you, but I can say with confidence you're not a bad fake, I promise... I can understand what you're getting at with the jewelery and such thing. I was never really attracted to the female body, I mean a vagina is a vagina, a dick is a dick, I don't mind either, I'm not repulsed by either, but I just like a mans body more. The thing is you're letting exterior reasons block your sexuality. You're bisexual but want to be gay, you simply cannot be "more gay", you're going to be bisexual no matter what you do because deep down that is who you are. If you don't like jewelery and what not, don't let this stop you. Once you find a lady who you are very in love with, or very close to, those things won't matter. But for the time being they are going to steer you away due to your preference... I get what you mean by wiring too, I've wired in my head that guys are more sexually attractive, I don't think if this is what I actually think and feel, it's just I've wired this into my head from the desire to be different... My mother always told me it's okay to be different; my mother was a strange lady, weird, quirky but I looked up to her very much! I wanted to be like her and I feel like one of the reasons I've so wired to believe guys are more sexually attractive MAY be the result of me forcing this onto myself. All I know is there is a big chance I find woman just as attractive, or even more attractive than males (I am bisexual). Try and tell yourself that these things don't matter and it's just your mind playing with you, because at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with a few painted nails and a lip ring etc... But if you simply don't like these things, don't let it avert your sexuality in the wrong direction. Small things shouldn't have such a large impact on such a substantial part of your life.
