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Denial. What was it like?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ryujin, Aug 30, 2014.

  1. Ryujin

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    As I've been quite confused with what's going on in my head recently, a friend on here told me that what I described sounded like his last stages of denial. I'm not sure if they are or not but I would like to know what it was like for other people if you don't mind sharing. I'm going to make it known that this is more out of curiosity then anything else and I've addressed my age etc. in other threads. Thanks in advance and sorry if there's been another thread like this already :grin:
     
  2. Quem

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    I never had much denial.. :slight_smile: I just needed to find the right labels. :icon_bigg
     
  3. CoyoteCalling

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    Basically I had a certain narrative in my head - I'm a girl, girls are attracted to boys, ergo, I'm attracted to boys. Then I ignored everything that conflicted with the narrative and tried to force myself to think things that would support it - so I convinced myself that I found the same guys "hot" that my female friends liked, or that I had a crush on boys for whom I only felt friendship. The entire time I didn't let myself realize what I was doing, or how much energy I was using to suppress some thoughts and force others.

    In the late stages, I decided that I just wasn't a very sexual or romantic person. In the very last stage, I had a "well, maybe I'm bisexual" phase, but in my case it only lasted a week or two before I had to be honest with myself.
     
  4. wanderinggirl

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    I may have had crushes here and there on women, but I'd get excited over guys for many reasons: I thought they were really awesome to hang out with and I really wanted to be friends. But I also figured that I was going to marry one, so being married to someone I wanted to be friends with sounded exciting to me. I think in high school and college when guys stopped being androgynous and we all went through puberty, I stopped crushing on them. I forced some crushes, and they turned out to be on guys who were relatively hairless, shorter and slighter; more "feminine". I knew that when I went out to a party I would notice the women more than the guys there, but I repressed that too by telling myself I'm wasting my time I should go find a guy. And then I'd always check out guys' outfits more than the guys themselves. That's not to say I was never interested; I have some attraction to guys, so it took me a long time to have an "aha" moment. But anyways this was how I repressed the majority of my attractions and justified them to myself.
     
  5. Kai LD

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    For a long time my mind found ways to misinterpret definite physiological and psychological conditions to let me think anything other than attraction was occurring. Intimidation or admiration or whatever.