Hey guys. I'm new here and I've been struggling with my sexuality since I could remember. Over the past year, I have gone through dramatic changes in my sexual orientation. I guess it probably is best to start from the beginning. When I was in middle school I saw my friends penis for the first time. Up to that point I never thought about girls or boys. I was not at that stage in my life. After seeing his penis, I began to fantasize about having sex with him. It was the only thing I could masturbate to. I would even have dreams about him. In high school, I began to fantasize about other friends, but only the ones whose penises I had seen. All I would do was masturbate about having sex with them. Soon I began to masturbate about them while fingering myself. This continued throughout high school. Now I didn't just masturbate to them, I masturbated a lot to straight porn, always to the woman. Although sometimes I would watch gay porn. Then I went to college and for me, things started to change my senior year. Now although I had masturbated and fingered myself to the thought of my friends, I never actually was attracted to them. It was more about the physical act going on then the emotional port. In my senior year of college, I began to get butterflies in my stomach whenever I would see a hot guy walking by. I could only watch gay porn and the fantasies became more frequent. I could not fall asleep without fantasizing about a dude. It was no longer just my friends but It became guys I saw on the street or people in my classes. This lasted for months, and then one day, it just went away. A week later the feeling came back and then months later it went away. Just recently it has returned. When looking at guys, I get a knot in my stomach and get really horny. I am constantly looking at guys packages as they walk by and I can no longer watch straight porn. I am not able to look at a woman's part the same way anymore. I just love looking at penises. Now I still am not 100% sure that I could have a relationship with a man. So I guess what I want to know is am I gay and am I suppressing my desire. Sorry this was long but any help would be great. Thanks.
It sounds to me as if you are most likely gay. Speaking from experience, the idea of dating someone of the same sex seems completely foreign and strange at first. I am still working on getting past that. In time, you will get used to it.
As Jguy365 said, you're likely gay and there's nothing wrong with that. That's probably because the idea is new to you (or because of society's norm). If you feel more comfortable, you will probably see that it's not a strange idea. Cheers! (*hug*)
