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Help! I'm so confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by hannahk, Sep 1, 2014.

  1. hannahk

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    Hi, I’ve never seeked help like this.
    I’m 18 and never been in a relationship.so just recently I went to a concert and I saw a women and thought she was to most beautiful person I laid my eyes on. It gave me butterflies and made my heart race, I have never felt that way before about anybody, not even a crush. And in that moment for the very first time I questioned my sexuality, just typing this makes me scared and I want to cry, not because I’m ashamed to question myself but honeslty I dont know why. Ive have always thought I was straight but now that I’ve been thinking about more and more I can see and picture myself happy with another women, not just any woman but the more manly ones and that’s okay to me. Ive always been shy even around men, I fumble my words and I get really red but when im around a women im comfortable and people say that’s because im a woman but with my friends i fell myself hiding who I really am. I j now my parents will accept me because my dad likes to play spot the lesbians in public places but I dont feel like I would be comfortable coming out if I truly am gay. When I tell myself im gay it makes me happy and giddy inside but then I think about how do I really know when ive never been with a guy let alone kiss one. I sometimes think i could be bi because when a guy constantly looks at me and smiles it makes me feel good inside and happy but then I cant picture myself with them. Im so confused and I have no one to cinfide in and I dont know any gay people to get advice from. I have a therapist but I dont feel comfortable in telling her what in feelibg because I dont know how she feels about gays and I know it shouldnt matter but it does and I need help figuring out who I am….
     
  2. RainbowMan

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    I've moved this thread to the sexual and romantic orientation section, but here's what I have to say on the topic.

    If having a guy looks at you makes you happy, but you couldn't see yourself with a guy, I'd say that you're likely a lesbian. I identify as gay, however I'd certainly like it if a woman found me attractive! However, I can't make the determination based on a single, or even a million, posts - that's something that only you can decide, when you're ready to decide it.

    There's no rush to putting a label on your feelings, and no time frame by which you must do so. I know that the coming out process is hard as well, but it's so worth it - the freedom that you feel to be yourself is simply incredible - I speak from experience here :slight_smile:. You don't have to hide what you did on the weekend, you don't have to hide that you're attracted to someone, you can just be yourself and free, and it sounds to me like you're stifling yourself right now.

    Welcome to EC, I'm sure you'll find it's a wonderful place for you to be yourself!
     
  3. Soillse

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    As far the liking guys looking at you thing goes; as girls we tend to be insecure and it's always nice to have that validation. I'm totally gay, but I flirt with guys (I'm a waitress and it's a good way to get tips) and it's always nice to have a guy respond as long as it doesn't go any further.
    The important thing is not to rush yourself. Experiment a bit, take your time. It's a lot easier to figure out what you want when your relaxed and not forcing yourself.
    As far as coming out goes; when you're first discovering yourself, it's really hard to imagine telling everyone. It feels like everyone's perception of you will change and the whole world will be different but it won't. Most people won't really care. I've had friends who'll completely forget until I say something about a hot girl or something.
    Just take it slow and talk to people on here - everyone's really kind and they all understand.
     
  4. naive12

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    hey, I've been going through something similar. However i'm in a relationship with a guy and I find this girl very attractive. I'd suggest that you get to know a girl that you like or someone who might be interested in you. Experiment a little, there is no rush.
    As for the coming out part, I think its best to tell everyone when you're sure about your orientation. Most people won't care but you might have to face some criticism from orthodox people. I'm not trying to scare you but it can happen. And if you're sure about yourself then you'll be able to handle it well.
    Hope this helps. Here if you wanna talk. :slight_smile:
     
  5. hannahk

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    Well I told my best friend today that I was questioning myself and I started crying, I don't know why and she asked if I was ashamed and I said no and she didn't understand why I was crying and neither did I. She said she was happy I told her and that she didn't care about me being gay and that she would be there if I needed anything or someone to talk to. A while back she had told me that she went through a bi phase but she didn't feel right about it so she just pursued men. I felt a bit of relief when I told her but her reaction wasn't what I was expecting.
     
  6. Holly82

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    Hannah, follow the tears, sweetheart. They're trying to tell you something.
     
  7. hannahk

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    That's the thing, I'm so confused I don't even know what to think or feel anymore
     
  8. hannahk

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    So I've been thinking a lot about what I'm feeling and how these feelings make me act. And this may contradict what I said in my first post but when I was in class today I got side tracked and started thinking about it and I've come to the conclusion that I can see myself with a man emotionally and not so much physically but then I've never been with a man so I wouldn't know how I would feel completely about that kind of situation, but I can also see myself completely happy with a woman. So that brings me to my question, am I bi or and I just extremely confused?
     
  9. jay777

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