I'm 61 and my boyfriend is 54. I am very youthful and nobody guesses my age even within 10 years. Ive been out for 30+ years, but remained single and celibate for 20 years, my own decision based on a horrible relationship. Eighteen months ago, I decided to start dating again. Had a few dates, nice guys, no sparks. Winked at someone online (Match dot com) and we met for lunch on a Sunday in October. We were both enjoying the visit and actually had several mutual friends in the past. I really liked the guy. After about one hour, he let me in on his secret, he was a trans-male. I joked that he was missing my favorite part, but I really liked him. We met again shortly on Friday night and Saturday night, then planned for a real dinner date on Sunday, one week from meeting. I wanted to end it, I'm fricking gay!!! But I really liked him. We had a great time that evening and started dating. Eventually, we had sex and I was beginning to like him alot. He was actually the aggressor in the relationship. He has had top surgery but not bottom surgery. I like him just the way he is, mixed parts and all. I love him!! He had been in a lesbian relationship for 18 years and it wasn't very good for the last 9 of those years. After he started his transition a couple of years ago, the relationship grew worse and finally ended. He moved out in August and met me in October. For around nine months everything was really good between us. I loved him and honored him and he did the same with me. And I fell in love with him. But suddenly a few weeks ago, he began giving mixed signals. Finally we talked and he said he found himself making the same mistakes he made in his former relationship, although I am NOTHING like his lesbian ex. NOW, he says he loves me but he is not in love with me (like he had claimed to be.) He kept saying he did not want to make the same mistakes. He told me these things on the phone. My heart DIED and we didn't talk for 8 days. Then he showed up at my work, we went out later and talked two hours while he was on the verge of tears, then talked the next day on the phone. I went to his house yesterday and we talked more. So I am at a loss for words. My heart is broken completely. He says he needs time just to be single. Well damn, he should have done that before he came into my life and loved me so hard that I fell in love with him. I don't know what to do now. For the most part, none of my friends want much to do with him because they have seen the pain in my eyes and life. Three of my friends call him an emotional abuser for doing this to me, leading me on, then changing his mind and sending the mixed messages. I decided ten days is enough time for me to cry. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to dismiss him, because I seriously am deeply in love with him, more than I ever expected to be, and in such a short time of less than one year. He knows he is gay, but he wants some time to develop a circle of friends on his own but still stay in touch with me as friends. Ya know, that's hard as heck to "be friends" when I love him so much. Have any of you had such an experience with a trans-guy? I don't know what to do. My heart is broken. But I hate to cut the strings completely. HELP!!!
I have to add that when he began his transition, he discovered himself attracted to men, not women, after being a lesbian all those years. His therapist said that a change in orientation is not uncommon. That's why he began seeking men to date.
