1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How does sexual attraction work?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rabarber, Sep 4, 2014.

  1. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello!


    Im questioning my sexuality. And was thinking of what sexual attraction really is.


    If I am a straight male. Is the picture of a nude women and her vagina supposed to get me horny? Is that what a "stimuli" is? Or is it something else/more then that? Like when they show that they want you, and act really horny? And stuff like that.


    I been watching alot of big dick porn in my life and I thought that I liked to see the girl really liking it big and getting really into it. But now I question if it was really the dick itself that got me feeling this way.


    I can't really say that a solo girl does much for me... And not lesbian porn either...


    When I walk around outside all I do is check out girls, they're behinds and breasts, upon that point that I actually follow them around looking. But could that maybe just be me recognizing a good looking female without really beeing sexually attracted? I never really do this with guys when im out. But I do kind of find it very possible to get off to a solo guy in porn, even though in my head Im not really comfortable with it and don't really like it but my body seem to respond to it..


    What do you think?


    Thanks for reading!
     
  2. Quem

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey rabarber!

    First things first.. Porn is not always a good way to find out your sexuality. One might be gay, but doesn't like gay porn at all.

    You say you check out girls, but don't check out guys. Could that be because you are afraid of checking out guys? Or do you really have no interest in guys whatsoever?

    "Im not really comfortable with it and don't really like it but my body seem to respond to it.."
    >> Why are you not comfortable with it? Do you feel guilty?

    I'm asking you these questions, because it's possible that you simply don't want to like guys.

    Cheers,

    Quem
     
  3. pigpassport

    pigpassport Guest

    Porn preferences are going to differ regardless of your sexuality, I've known straight people who only watch gay porn and plenty of people can't get aroused by porn at all.

    Maybe you are gay, but that doesn't mean you can't "check out" someone of the opposite gender and recognise that they're attractive, I know I do it, but that doesn't mean I would ever be attracted to a guy. Or maybe you are still attracted to women, only you can know that and it might take time.

    I'm with Quem on this one, it might be that even though you are attracted to them, you just don't want to like guys, because of internalised homophobia or whatever other reason. Why is it that you feel uncomfortable when you get aroused by a male?
     
  4. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Well to answere your questions. I don't like the idea of having sexual nor romantic relationships with a man. It kind of repels me. Feels weird. It's a thing I always thought I just simply didn't want to do. Also I can't deny the fear of what others would think of me, but not only that, I've been struggling with that one for a while and I think I came up with the conclusion even if I didn't care what others think I wouldn't still really wanna do it. But saying I don't care I think would be lying.. I don't know... It's hard..

    Now don't get me wrong I don't mind someone else wanting to, it just is not what I had in mind for me..

    And also for the checking out guys question, no I don't really feel the need or want to do it, allthough I guess that need/want could be deeply burried somewhere, I don't know.. It's hard to determine what is what..


    Thanks for taking your time!
     
  5. pigpassport

    pigpassport Guest

    Okay, it sounds like there's some internalised homophobia going on with you here. There is absolutely no point in denying what you're attracted to, because it'll only make you feel worse and worse. Similarly, there's no point in getting worked up over what you may or may not be attracted to, because it may take you a long time to realise it properly.

    Whether or not it's something you're comfortable with at the moment, it does sound as though you are attracted to men, although you may still be attracted to women too. The internalised homophobia issue is something you're going to need to work on and sort out because you'll just end up feeling upset and confused for much much longer than you need to if you don't.
     
  6. Quem

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No problem! I think pigpassport pointed out some interesting ideas.

    It's not what you had in mind for yourself, which is perfectly fine. The idea of being with someone of the same sex can be very confusing, since we live in a society where heterosexuality is the norm.

    I can't tell you why you don't want to be with a guy. It could be, because you're simply not interested. It could be, because you're afraid of what others may think of you.
     
  7. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Well might be true that I am gay...


    It's just confusing me a little of all the girls I though I was turned on by, all the girls im checking out, all the girls I've gotten off to in my life, all the girls I've been in love with. My 3 longer relationships with girls that I've had a sexual relationship with and it has worked out. Somehow it doesn't seem to work aswell as watching a guy and his member though... But it's still confusing me... And I am in a relationship with a girl right now.. We do have sex but I can't really say I am very excited when we do it. It's allright, it gets the job done. Fuck I don't know what to do, I hate my life at this point... So much...
     
  8. Quem

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This can have various reasons. It's possible that you are anxious while doing it, that you are not really attracted to the girl or that you are not really attracted to girls in general.

    But you say it doesn't work when you watch a guy, so could be straight or bisexual. Yet, I can't tell whether you are in fact gay and in denial, because denial is a powerful thing.

    Cheers,

    Quem
     
  9. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Okay first, porn doesn't mean anything. There are people who dislike porn, and I've also seen people watch same-sex porn with the genders they aren't attracted to being involved.

    If you don't check out guys or want to be sexual with them, there's a chance you're either

    a) Gay, but have internalized homophobia and are afraid to admit it.

    or

    b) Straight, but you don't fit the typical society mold of how a straight guy should act (like constantly wanting sex with women 24/7) so you are confused.

    I honestly think you might be straight because you follow attractive women outside and that indicates some kind of attraction. As a gay woman myself, I also only enjoy solo male porn and don't really like the female stuff; but that's just because female porn is badly done.

    But if you're not straight, that's okay too and you have time to discover yourself.
     
  10. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    No what I was saying is that watching a guy seems to work better then previous experiences with girls. This however is a bit confusing to me, since I have been watching girls my entire life. And I don't really like watching the guys, in my head, could be social imprintments talking here. But I can't deny that my body seems to respond to it, probably more then with girls.

    But then I lay touching my girlfriends boobs and get a bit of an erection. So guess if this leaves me pretty confused.

    You say you watch solo guys even though you are a gay woman? How is that possible?


    Thanks alot for your answeres guys!
     
    #10 rabarber, Sep 8, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2014
  11. pigpassport

    pigpassport Guest

    You want to watch yourself talking about things like that, you might annoy someone wording it like that. It's not a question of it being possible, of course it's possible, porn preferences are in no way, shape or form indicative of sexual preferences. I've known straight people who only watch gay porn or vice versa. It's like saying that if your favourite pizza is a meat feast you must be straight and you're gay if your favourite is a margharita. That's obviously not true because pizza doesn't have any bearing on sexuality, and although perhaps with some people porn does, with a lot of people it doesn't, you like what you like and that's that.

    Also, I would say that if you're aroused both by men and women then that's a fair indication that you might be at least bisexual, perhaps with a preference for men if you feel more aroused by them generally
     
  12. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Surprisingly, a vast majority of lesbians report being turned off and unattracted to lesbian and/or solo female porn, and gay male porn is the most popular in our community. It has to do with the fact that women in general are less visual and are more attracted to scenery/people enjoying themselves, etc. Most porn with women are aimed toward straight men and are badly acted, compared to solo male or gay porn which is more realistic and easier to find non-professionals doing them.

    When I watch guys, I'm not actually attracted to the guy. I'm attracted to their enjoyment and the heavier action involved.

    I hope this helps, and It's been through my experience that porn generally doesn't mean much in regard to sexual preferences.
     
  13. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning

    Well, I didn't mean it with any offence. I just didn't understand why somebody who is attracted to girls looks at boys, and was woundering more about that cause I found it interesting..


    When you say it like that it sounds so easy. For me the problem is I can't really say whats what, could be because I am refusing to realise, I don't know.

    ---------- Post added 8th Sep 2014 at 08:33 AM ----------



    I don't really understand how porn is not a good measurement of your sexuality really. But I guess what you're saying about why you're turned on to solo male/gay porn explains it a bit. I don't really understand how me getting it off to a solo guy could mean anything else then me beeing at least bisexual though..


    Thanks for your answer and time again!
     
  14. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I think it's because men are generally more visual than women are. I don't even find other women physically or sexually attractive unless I have some sort of emotional attachment to them and we share the same beliefs, etc. So even if I were to watch lesbian stuff, I still wouldn't be that attracted to the actresses but rather the situation.

    Don't worry about causing any offense, I was not offended lol
     
  15. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I can relate to this
     
  16. jahow95

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London, England
    If you check out girls but not guys you're probably straight, and if you can also imagine yourself doing things with girls but not guys you're very likely straight. A lot of straight guys don't enjoy solo girl or lesbian porn as much as straight, especially if they watch a lot of porn.
     
  17. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    This could be something. It's either that or I'm in denial... Today my girlfriend asked me for sex, I didn't really feel like it. And she said you're probably the only guy that would have said no to that..

    I think I should add to this topic that I don't like the sight of the female member. And the male one seems to get me off, when I check if it works. It doesn't come to me without me wanting to check what I like and not..
     
  18. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Even in real life :confused:
     
  19. rabarber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    What do u mean?
     
  20. TurtleCat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    417
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Orleans
    I can understand why the OP might think that porn = orientation, because to be honest I used to think the same way. But the truth is porn often doesn't have a whole lot to do with your sexuality, especially in women, who have been shown to respond to any and every type of pornography regardless of orientation.

    I think a lot of people make that mistake because they think that if you're aroused by a certain type of porn, that must mean you're attracted to the actors or would want to have sex with them. But that's not necessarily the case, people can be aroused by porn for any type of reason. Most commonly, it's that people just get off on seeing two people enjoy themselves, regardless of the gender. As stated earlier in this thread, for example, a lot of lesbians enjoy gay male porn and actually prefer it to most female porn, usually because they find it to be more convincing and authentic than the mainstream lesbian porn, that's made by straight men for straight men.

    Now, a lot of people say that a better way of figuring out your orientation, and one that helped me, I think, is who you actually fantasize about without the aid of porn, and imagine yourself with romantically and sexually. If you can picture yourself either in a relationship or having sex with someone of the same sex, and the idea feels "natural" and "right" and arouses you, there's a good chance you might be at least bisexual. Also, reflecting on who you've crushed on and had strong feelings for throughout your life. That said, there can also be internalized homophobia at play that might affect your reaction a bit... so it is true that sometimes, things can be muddled and confusing. But I think that time will always tell where your true attractions and interest lie.