Hi I am very confused!! I am 45, been married for over 10 years, had a few girlfriends before that and generally lead a regular hetro lifestyle. However since my teens I have also fantasised about guys as well as women. Over the last few years though I pretty much fantasise about men only and want to explore that more so I have now accepted started to accept my gay side. I am confused as I still look at attractive women but I am not sure if it is sexual. I don't really fantasise about women and sex is rare. So I am not sure if I am bi or gsy. I have looked at Kinsey scale and think I may have moved along that to where i am now or I have always been gay but just supressed it or made excuse as I couldn't accept it.
Well, I'm not married, I'm too young for that, but I will try to give some helpful advice. You say, you had girlfriends and have been married for 10 years now. Were you happy with your wife before your realization? Did you connect sexually and emotionally? I know that a lot of bisexual people go trough phases, you didn't force sexual attraction to the women you dated before or your wife, right? Only you can answer if you are gay, but I assume you are not. I think you discovered a part of yourself and the floodgates have broken down now. I know that it feels scary, but things will get better in the future. Have you spoken with your wife about your feelings? I know that many bisexual people have boyfriends/girlfriends on the side, but their partners are of course aware of it. Maybe you go through phases where you prefer one gender over the other, it can change and fluctate. Even if you realized that you somewhere on the gayer side of bi, would you leave your wife? Love is much more than lust and lust fades away over time. I've heard of full-blown gay people who were never attracted to the opposite sex and then fell in love with someone of the opposite sex and are happier than ever before. Because you love a human being and not their gender. If you love your wife and she is your soulmate you should tell her about your feelings. Maybe you could have an open relationship. Best wishes
Thanks for taking the time and the advice. I haven't spoken to my wife and don't think I can yet but I do realise thats what I should do. I guess I want to try and undestand things better. And although I'd said I'd like to explore my gay side that is more on a hypothetical side until I can sort things out in my own mind. Am not really sure why but am struggling with gay or bi questions as it would be much easier I think to know, rather than just be confused and going from one to other and not really knowing. Thanks again...
