I've found that I'm literally only romantically and mostly sexually attracted to men that are much older than me. Like 30+. I had a boyfriend who was 4 years older than me, but he looked much older and was extremely intelligent and he is the only person I've been romantically attracted to. I've been on a couple of dates with decent guys my own age and while I'm sexually attracted to them, I literally have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. Not even squishes. I had a sort of lithromantic crush on a guy my age, but when he said that he felt the same way I just kind of...stopped liking him I guess. I feel like some weird sociopath who can't love and it's making me miserable. I feel like I'll never find someone for a very long time, as I'm only 15 at the moment. There is just something about older men. Their sophistication, knowledge, slight wrinkles, and grey hairs. Something about it just makes me lose my mind. But all these barely pubescent boys make me feel like some sort of pedophile and all they want to talk about is Call Of Duty and Ifunny when I want to talk about traveling and music and life goals and dreams. I feel like some creepy reverse pedophile. Anyone else like me?
When I felt attraction, I used to be very attracted to way older men too, since I was a child. I have no idea what this was, but you are not alone.
Usually when you see this at someone your age, there are other factors going on. The most common is a lack of a stable, secure, safe, and supportive older male figure in your life (i.e., father or other male adult mentor.) Does this connect for you?
I actually live with my father and he's a pretty okay guy. My mother is just starting to come back into my life and I'm pretty sure my issues with her are why I'm terrified of women. But as far as father issues go, I don't really have any.
I agree with Chip. Do you see older guys as people who can provide security, support, etc.? I guess that may be why I myself am attracted to guys that are slightly older than me.
The source of knowledge piece is telling, as it does imply the sort of desire for security and caretaking. I'd also say that "pretty OK guy" is not the sort of term I'd expect to hear from someone who has a completely normal, healthy relationship with her father. I don't mean to harp on these things, but you asked and I'm doing my best to tell you what I see based on what you've written. I still could be entirely wrong... but keep in mind that we have a tendency to whitewash unpleasant things in our childhood/adolescence because it makes it more tolerable to us. If any of that applies to your situation, it might help further illuminate your feelings.
I'm not affectionate which is why my dad and pretty much everyone I know is "pretty okay". I'm kind of in my angsty "I hate everyone" period atm. And not a source of guiding knowledge, but a knowledge of more things such as music, art, philosophy etc which are things that spark my interest, but not the interest of the majority of teenage boys. I actually hate when people try to take care of me and god forbid baby me. It makes me feel totally helpless, which I'm not.
