Hello guys Wow, even setting up this account to ask the questions that are bothering me felt weird. Uhm well, anyway. I hope you guys can help me figure out what's been going on.. I'm 19 and straight. At least that's what I've considered myself to be all my life. I'm in a 3year relationship with my first boyfriend right now. I love him, and I also feel attracted to him sexually. Sounds good so far, right? Well, for all my life I've had girl crushes. Like, I would see a pretty girl my age and it felt the same as if I saw a pretty guy my age, attractionwise. I never thought much of it, but I started thinking about this a while ago, trying to figure out if there's more to it. Ever since puberty, I haven't felt comfortable around other girls, for example my boyfriends girl friends. To paint a picture of how they make me feel: Has anyone seen Game of Thrones? Remember Brienne of Tarth? If not, google her, you will get it. Whenever I'm with other girls I feel like less of a female than them. I feel like this weird clumsy person that is neither 100% girl nor 100% boy. I get along way better with guys, women make me feel insecure. Oh God, I don't even know where I'm headed with this. I am sexually attracted to guys. But I am also attracted to girls. I like boobs (oh god that sounds like a 13 year old boy >_<) and I generally find the female body more aesthetically pleasing, but I also like men (and yes, penises.) I haven't had any experiences with girls yet, so there's no way I could know for sure. I could definitely imagine being in a relationship with a girl, but at the same time it feels weird because that's a side of me that I've never listened to before. And there's also an issue with my gender identification.. I know I am female, and I am okay with that, it's good. But at the same time I'm not only female. Does that make sense? I don't feel as female as other girls I see on the street. My boyfriend has been bothering me that I could dress a little more feminine or maybe apply make-up once in a while or that he would like it more if I were a little more girly. I have tried, because I want to make him happy, but I realized that that's just not me. And it feels awful because I feel like I can't be 100% confident before I know who I am, or HOW I am, you know? Some days I want to be seen as a feminine girl, other days I'd rather be more of a butch woman. Adding the thing about my confusing sexual attraction to the mix, I have been wondering if I might be bisexual. Soooo yeah. Long story short, could you guys please share your experiences with me? How did you know you were gay/bi? Can anyone make sense out of this blabber? Thank you!
You do sound bisexual from what you have said so far. You don't have to have a relationship with a woman to know that you like women You can be female and not be really feminine, that's fine. You shouldn't compare yourself to others about whether you are as female as them because that will just make you feel worse, be happy about who you are!
Hey Lalayla! Someone from EC asked me these questions, and they were really helpful: 1. Could you imagine yourself with a girl? Loving her, being in a relationship? Does it feel right? 2. Could you imagine yourself with a boy? Loving him, being in a relationship? Does it feel right? Bisexuality is more of an umbrella term. Some are bisexual, but have a preference for man, some are bisexual, but have a preference for woman, etc (you may want to google Kinsey Scale to find out more). And remember, some people don't like labels. Don't label yourself if the labels don't fit you, if they don't describe who you are. Cheers! (*hug*)
Thank you guys for your answers! Goldenarrow: I was just thinking that I sort of need to try being with a woman to see if I really like it or if I'm just imagining stuff, you know? It doesn't feel 100% real yet :icon_sad: And Quem: I asked myself those questions, and the answer to both is yes Stiil, as I said, I feel like I need "proof", you know? This is really messing with my head right now. I don't think I can tell anyone before I am completely sure that this is not a phase or my imagination going wild, but I want to talk about this to someone who knows me Anyways thank you guys for listening and trying to help!! (*hug*)
There's a chance you could be either bisexual or curious based on what you wrote. You're definitely not completely gay, but I'd hesitate to say completely straight either. It can be very hard to understand sexuality, but also realize that it comes within the mind and heart and not by physical actions. You can definitely experiment to see, but it doesn't always mean anything. There are lesbians who do things with women and hate the experience, and lesbians that do things with men and enjoy the experience, but it doesn't change their sexuality. It really depends on circumstances involved. Finally, if your gender expression is more masculine or androgynous, don't force yourself to be feminine to please someone else. It's just going to cause a lot of pain for you in the end.
You are not alone. I've read stories about various people who want to experiment to know for sure. It can definitely help. See how things work out, but remember, always be you. I agree with Fallingdown. You sound, to me, either bisexual or really curious. And I don't mean Kinsey 3 when saying bisexual.
Okay this is kind of confusing ... Are you saying that I could be bisexual in the end without ever having tried to be with a woman? Don't I need to try it to be sure whether I'm just curious or if it's the real thing? I know this sounds weird but.. can anyone tell me what it feels like to be straight? Because I never really talked to anyone about this before, it never came up, everyone I know is straight. Talking to them about what it's like to be straight would be like talking to anyone about what it feels like to sleep, because essentially it should be the same for everyone. But I feel like for me, it's not. And I never had the chance to compare those feelings with anyone to see which "label" fits for me. I feel like I need to add more info to this. When I was 7 a girl I was friends with came over to play and we ended up playing a game that essentially worked like this: We were both lions, and we took turns. One of us "sedated" the other one with a pretend syringe so they could then basically 'dry hump' the other one (Wow that sounds messed up for 7 year olds.) When I was 14 I started drawing. I mostly drew women. Naked women. I always thought it was because they are easier to draw and because I just thought women were prettier than men. Whenever I saw a picture of a naked woman I would like it just as much, sometimes even more than a picture of a naked man. But I always had crushes on guys, and now I have been with my boyfriend for so long and I love him and he is attractive to me and I like having sex with him. So I know I can't be completely gay. Okay, now let's come to recent events. Did you guys hear about "the fappening", that's what they call it? The leaking of nude celebrity pics? My best guy friend came over last week and showed me some of the pictures. And I liked them so much (with blushing, and feeling hot, the whole package) and asked him to show me more that he jokingly asked "Could it be that you are a little bit bi?" I know it's not much, and it sounds ridiculous, but that honestly got me thinking. It made me wonder about everything that was just normal for me all these years, seeing a pretty woman and wondering what it would feel like to kiss her, liking the thought of touching another woman's boobs and so on - What if me liking women in a sexual way is not "normal" for a straight person? What if he's right and that means I'm bisexual? And it got me thinking about whether I could see me being in a relationship with a woman and the thought didn't throw me off at all, it felt good. When I look in the mirror and imagine myself being with a woman, I feel better about myself, I feel more at ease with me. So this is why I came here, to see if me feeling these feelings could mean I am actually not straight, but bisexual. Because there's noone around that I am close enough with that I can ask what being straight means for them, if straight people can feel attracted to the same gender too, or if that's "off the straight chart", you know? Because I don't really feel straight anymore. And I feel like, before I can say what "label" is the right one for me, I need to prove it somehow, does that make sense? Edit: PS: Thanks Quem, your reply just appeared right after I got done writing this novel here
Don't know what Fallingdown7 thinks of it, but I think it's definitely possible. Some don't have to try, to know for sure. Some do. I completely understand you. I didn't "fit" the norm of society either, that is, being straight. I know that friends (who claim to be straight) find the idea of being in a relationship very strange, it doesn't feel right. There's a lack of attraction, there's disinterest and some are even repelled by that idea. Personally, I couldn't understand it back then. But I know why now.. I'm bisexual. :lol: What if you are bisexual? Well, nothing changes. You've been you all the time. You don't have to be ashamed. No, you don't need to be ashamed. You are completely normal. (*hug*) Orientation is a spectrum of all different kinds of possibilities. Even some who claim to be straight, might be incidentally attracted to a member of the same sex.
No, that's actually a misconception is what I'm getting at. I knew I was a lesbian at age 14 and I've never had any experience with women. No sexual acts, no kissing, no dating. None of it. And I still know who I am because I know where my crushes and sexual attractions lie. I'm not saying you're like this, but in general It's actually a very heterosexist notion that someone needs to experiment with the same sex to know they're gay, since most straight people know they're straight before they do anything. Some gay people can't experiment with sex/kissing/dating because of moral beliefs or discomfort with doing it with just anyone and some gay/bi people experiment with the same sex and absolutely hate the experience for different reasons (Not the right person, wasn't ready, etc). Many straight women also enjoy experimenting with women and remain straight. Now, I'm not against experimenting if you think It'll help YOU, I'm just saying that It's not a defining factor and you shouldn't feel forced to do it to help decide who you are because only you can know that in the end.
Forgot to mention, that it also sounds like you've already figured it out yourself that you find women attractive and want to be with them
Quem: Thank you! You really warmed my heart and made me smile. (*hug*) Fallingdown7: Thanks for your advice! This sexuality stuff is really confusing o.o Yeah, I think I did somehow figure that out... I was probably just looking for some sort of... justification? Confirmation? Anyways, thanks so much for helping me out here (*hug*) I guess now I just need to figure out what comes next. <3
I swear I coud have written this post ... except that it took me a longer time to find a boyfriend I enjoyed having sex with (aside from a couple of short flings). Yes, that's me, too...I even chose a male-dominated profession so I'm surrounded by men. I'm also still trying to sort out my gender identity from my sexual orientation so I can't help you there except to say I know how you feel, how confusing it all is. I wish I had been in a place to question myself at your age, but I was stuck way, way too far in the closet for that. I just thought I was doing something wrong because I couldn't manage to be feminine enough.
