Hey everyone never done something like this before so be nice , I'm a 18 year old female. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I could be gay. I' not really sure how to word this but I'll have a go... From very early on in my life I have known I was different. I have never had a serious relationship with a guy before; this is due to the fact that when things actually start getting serious and the 'Bf and gf' labels get put up, I freak out. This is because I know I am not emotionally or sexually connected to them. Through high school I would say things like "oh that guys hot " but I wouldn't want to peruse them unlike my friends. I do find myself checking out other females without realising but I thought this was a phase that I would grow out of as I aged but it doesn't seem that way. I recently went out clubbing with a few friends, they all set out for me to 'pull' and when guys were interested I shut them down and wasn't interested. All my friends were making out with their boyfriends and it dawned on me that I don't see myself in their position. I always imagine myself being in a relationship with a female but how can that be when I have never experienced that in the first place? I have these strong and overwhelming feelings towards my sexuality , like I need to know the answer but I'm not comfortable experimenting because of the judgement that comes with it! Please can someone give me advice? what do I do?:bang:
I'm afraid I can't offer much advice but this is exactly how I feel too - I'm just realising it later! I would totally shut down when men were around me, even boyfriends. I think I didn't *allow* myself to imagine women in a sexual way, and to think about whether I want a girlfriend. I just didn't think I could actually feel that way, it didn't even occur to me. But when I did allow myself to think that way - to think of relationships with women, to think of them in a sexual way, it felt more natural to me than attempting to think of a man in that way.. I do think you will have to experiment eventually - as will I! It could be that you think "Actually, no, women aren't for me." Which would be fine, you would have found out something about yourself. You could also find that something clicks. Most importantly, don't hurry yourself, and don't listen to any 'judgement'. If you're happy, who cares what some narrow minded people think? Good luck Kate x
Thank you I appreciate your time! As hard as this situation is I am glad to know I'm not the only one going though this mind boggling thing! If I were to experiment How do I so that without forcing myself 'out the closet' before I am ready? By that I mean I am always surrounded by my friends if they were to see me flirting or kissing another female I would get so many questions that I don't know the answers too. What happened if them narrow minded people turn out to be my family ? sorry I am probably asking questions that you also many not know the answers too.
Sorry for the delay in replying! No, you're definitely not the only one Well, firstly, you don't have to be with your friends all the time when you're going out. Try going to a few places on your own if you'd like to speak to who you'd like to speak to without being watched. Or make a new group of friends, the ones you're okay with witnessing that. One can have loads of friends for loads of different parts of your social life! *But*, you don't *have* to actively seek out anyone. I personally am not the "go to a bar, meet someone" type, and I'm just going to see where life takes me. If I meet a woman I bond with, I'd be very happy about that. Perhaps you could just see where life takes you? Life has an odd way of pushing you towards where you're meant to be. If the narrow-minded people are your family.. that would be very sad and extremely difficult but I hope that wouldn't stop you from living a life you want to lead. If you find you are gay or bi then you may want to eventually be with a woman, and if you ignore love or attraction or ignore a part of yourself to make others happy.. well, you only get one life. Make yourself happy even if it disappoints others. And if some people leave your life because they can't take your bisexuality or homosexuality then they weren't people worth having in your life. Above all that - don't panic! Just relax into it and see where it takes you. Keep your mind and eyes open. That's where I'm starting from Kate x
You're extremely helpful Thank you! I guess the conclusion is that I need to start experimenting as its the only way I will find out who I am. Then when I figure that out I can decide my next step. Good luck too you I wish you all the best! x
My pleasure, I'm glad I could be of some help! Yes, I think that's the way for me too. Good luck, and feel free to message me if you'd like to, if you need to talk at any point! x
