confused about myself.....

Hi, I've been wondering for some time about my sexuality. I remember back in kindergarten and elementary school time, i used to have crushes on boys so I've never considered the possibility of me liking girls. Actually I wasn't truly exposed to any knowledge about homosexuality and related stuff until i was around 16(yeah, my hometown is that conservative). However, once i realized about it, everything changed. I had this girl friend of mine who was in the same class with me since elementary school for many years. We weren't close at all during elementary school, but since we applied to the same middle school and were coincidentally in the same class for the next few years, we became best friends. Later when we went on to high school, we were in the same class again. During that time I became more actively involve in co-curriculum activities and wasn't in class as often as her so i was having problem getting close to other classmates. I end up relying on her a lot and always stick with her. Then one day I realized i was staring at her eyelashes thinking she's so beautiful. I remember my heart was so overflowing with happiness and all i want to do is sit as close to her as possible. I want to kiss her. I want to hug her. She was my first love. I was 16 that year and since i wasn't exposed to the idea that homosexual is disgusting or stuff like that before, so i didn't even bother that liking my best friend makes me a homosexual or bisexual. I mean i like her so much i don't care about all this and i did got really lucky too because i eventually get together with her. The first 2 years was awesome but after we went on to different universities, we couldn't manage the long distance relationship and eventually we broke off. Last year i accidentally found out that one of my classmate was a lesbian and i got interested in her. We had a few chats and things were going quite well but i would always have this sense of guilt and start to avoid her when we could be moving on to the next level because i couldn't define myself whether i'm really into girls. My previous relationship might be due to the fact that I have been with my best friend for many years so maybe i am not really a lesbian, its just that the person i love is coincidentally a girl. I have never dated any guys and I tried to imagine how would it be if i were to have a boyfriend. I actually cringed every time i imagine some guy kissing or touching me, but again this might be because i have no experience with guys too. And I don't want to just experimentally date some guys that i don't have feelings for just to explore my sexuality.....yeah so that my dilemma. :icon_sad: