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complex and confused.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by yosquidgy, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. yosquidgy

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    I do not know what my orientation is at this point. I am more attracted to men than women, I feel like I would never go farther than a kiss with women, but honestly I'm not huge on sex with men either. I do not know if my low sexual drive is caused by a bad past of sexual abuse and rape, or if its just because I'm just not interested. The confusion I feel sometimes hurts relationships that I try to have. Given, I may not be interested in sex a lot but sometimes, I am, though rarely. I feel like I am never giving my full self to a relationship because I don't know what I want. :confused: :bang: :help:
     
  2. coolasacucumber

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    Firstly, I'm really sorry that you've been through such a traumatic experience. Well done for being brave enough to acknowledge it as a possible obstacle in your sexual and romantic fulfilment. Have you had any therapy for your sexual
    Abuse? There are a lot of counsellors who specialise in sexual abuse. I would first and foremost advise you to seek therapy for this to try to stop it from being a barrier. It won't be solved over night, but eventually you will be able to move on and have happy and fulfilling relationships. In order to do this, you need therapy to overcome the sexual abuse.

    Secondly, once you start to overcome the trauma, you may start to feel more interested in sex. Or, you may find that your feelings are only
    Romantic in nature. Either way is perfectly ok.

    Thirdly, once you've overcome your sexual trauma, you'll get a better idea of who and what you prefer sexually once you start to date men and women. You may find that you're exclusively attracted to one or the other, or that you're attracted to both, and either way is fine.

    Good luck with everything xxxx
     
  3. yosquidgy

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    I have gone through therapy for over 8 years now. every time I feel as though I start getting better, something ruins it for me. I was molested throughout my childhood by a few family members. I found after that I didn't like to be touched, though to fit in I accepted it as my fate. I never did anything more than above the waist at this point in time. My junior year I was raped by a close friend of mine.After that I went on a sort of sex binge, I guess it may be called, though disgusted still by everyones touch. After about a year I put that to a halt and only have sex when in a serious relationship. However just a week ago another friend of mine was angry about being friendzoned, and I guess he decided not to take no anymore. I gave up, seeing as no wasnt stopping him. At this point, I don't know if I will ever find someone whose touch will be comforting. Given I will try because I want love so badly, but I really do wonder if I will ever feel it towards someone like that.
     
  4. EpicConfusion

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    Sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience :frowning2: Maybe you should hangout with male friends in more public settings or in a group to avoid this in the future?
     
  5. DominoSuis

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    yosquidgy, I'm sorry you're going through a horrible time. It probably sounds weird and false that I can relate to you, but honestly - I can relate to you. I can count a few times where I've been 'messed with' (not neccessarily raped, though) by a guy in and out of a relationship, and it's hampered my trust issues with men. Adding to that, I grew up in an abusive household so touch is an issue for me, too - one I want to overcome.

    Just don't give up yet. Keep at the therapy; I'm still in therapy after 6 years on/off, and even though I've had a lot of ups and downs I've also made a fair bit of progress in general. Even so that I can sit and consider gender and sexuality without other issues weighing me down.

    I'm here if you want to talk in general, too.
     
  6. jay777

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    Please ask your therapist about this:
    what helped me was rewriting my memories.
    I imagined what the scene should have been like, in my opinion, playing it out.
    I did this in a really relaxed place, where I could imagine this like being real.

    I looked at the experiences and drew some consequences: the intention to simply saying goodbye to abusive people in my life...
    And being around people who really value me, where I can be myself... I found them by going to community courses... dance courses...
    I also changed values: don't need people who are outwards strong but inwards... people who know who they are... who are nice and show it... normal people... they can be found if one turns away from all too glamorous people...

    "However just a week ago another friend of mine was angry about being friendzoned, and I guess he decided not to take no anymore. I gave up, seeing as no wasnt stopping him. At this point, I don't know if I will ever find someone whose touch will be comforting. Given I will try because I want love so badly, but I really do wonder if I will ever feel it towards someone like that."
    I would say forgive yourself and move on... if you have the intention to find someone who really loves you, you will find someone... but sometimes it takes time...

    Two points:
    - its your right to say no
    - you can communicate your feelings... if something does not feel right to you...

    From your photo you are a nice girl... I'd say just relax, you will find someone in time...

    and sometimes we have the feeling something is wrong with us... (or we have not enough value)... its not... we are normal people with positive intentions... if we relapse, just forgiving oneself and moving on...

    You might have a look at this:
    Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender?

    Just take your time to figure this out... enjoy the way...
    and if you feel the need to, make a few posts on EC... you are part of a nice community

    (*hug*)(*hug*)