So i'm sure this isn't a unique, unheard of story before, but i could really do with some advice. I've always considered myself straight. As i grew into my teens, any site of a female drove me mad. Naturally, it wasn't long before i discovered porn and spent whole days surfing and getting off on more explicit stuff. Occasionally watching transgender stuff but not exclusively, so i didn't think much of it. Anyway, i started dating girls in my early 20s and at the beginning of this year after a couple of years of being single i quit porn completely. It drove me to get into online dating and i met an amazing woman. Everything was perfect, we were (still are other than the anxiety) in love and all the rest of it. A few months ago i clicked on a random link on facebook which ended up being gay porn. After i figured what i was looking at, i was surprised and shocked to see that i was aroused. It completely freaked me out so i ended up obsessing about it, trying to constantly reassure myself i'm straight. The more i obsessed about it, the stronger the obsession got. Now i seem to be in a situation where i'm completely unsure about what turns me on, afraid to explore it. My desire for women is still there but looking at them doesn't always get me in the mood. I still get aroused looking at woman, just not like it was. I have to imagine myself having sex with them. I got my head into a complete mess and decided i was going to break it off with my girlfriend. When i went to stay round hers (to break it off) i noticed I got/get aroused just holding her hand (and wondered what the hell i was worrying about). When i'm in the mood any part of her i touch/kiss gets me in the mood. I kind of feel like i need to grope her constantly to reassure myself which isn't ideal. As for my feelings towards men. I've always had close male friends but never felt romantic. Now i feel anxious when in a close up conversational situation and i find myself looking at guys more often than i used to. The idea of experimenting with guys equally makes me feel anxious and a bit excited. So i'm under no allusion that i'm at least bi-curious. If it wasn't for the fact that i think i've found "the one" that i'd like to marry and have kids with, i'd consider experimenting with guys. I'm worried about telling her because she was convinced i was gay when we started dating (i had been "flatlining" from quitting porn but this went away and now i have no problems getting an erection). She also told me when we started dating that she doesn't think men can be bi-sexual. I laughed at this and the fact that she thought i was gay when she told me. I just don't think i could bare to break it off with her and discover it was all in my head. I have a history of pretty bad OCD/obsessive thoughts and have had myself convinced in the past that i'm about to drop dead of a heart attack at any second, or that a natural disaster was seconds away. I'm sorry if this isn't very well paragraphed and information is a bit all over the place. I need to just get this out there and tell somebody. If anybody could give any relationship/orientation advice then i'd be forever grateful.
