First off, let me tell you that I am a 16 year old Male who has just left school. More recently I have found it so incredibly hard to determine who I am, especially when it comes to my sexual orientation. Now, I'm sat here even wondering why I am typing this because I already *think* I am straight, in fact, about 80% sure. Ever since I was a young child, I admired women so much and always looked forward to growing up, conceiving children and getting happily married to a lady who I could happily call my wife. I grew up around 2 sisters, and a brother who I wasn't very keen on, nor spoke to often. I am also a 'mummys boy' and I always have been. According to my family, when I was younger I used to enjoy walking around in my mums high heels, which, I figured wasn't such a strange thing at that age. I was fascinated by the height I could 'grow' to and they were just something so 'unique' that I enjoyed them, but looking back now I regret ever doing that because even to this day, they use it as a way to question my sexuality - not every day but they always mention "we used to think you were gay" - I loved singing and dancing around...I was a happy child. I grew up with mainly female friends too. My neighbors were girls, and I found them so much easier to talk to. I never liked sports, or football/rugby and I never played console games to the extent where I would have male friends because of it. I remember once going to a friends house when I was about 9, and as I was leaving he was getting undressed to get into the bath. I left and I heard him calling my name and he was stood in the doorway, fully naked and dancing around...and it creeped me out but I laughed at the time. Ever since, I would question why allowed myself to witness that..I actually watched rather than walked away..it was funny at the time but It has scarred me now. I remained to have female friends until the beginning of high school, when I actually got into a group of guys and we had mutual things to talk about and I liked it. In about 8th grade, I left that group and began talking to girls again, but at that point I started having weird attractions to guys. I was a chubby teen, and I would often look up to many guys, and I would admire their bodies and faces as something I wanted to accomplish. I had many girlfriends in high school, and I admit..I liked it. But none of it felt real, because I was young. I remember getting my first e*ection when my *then* girlfriend sat on my lap and it felt good, and I was genuinely willing to have sex with her...but I wasn't that educated in it. As time progressed I grew older but kept getting rejected by girls and it often left me feeling 'not good enough' and just using the thought of "I might as well be gay"...and I know you can't just 'turn' like that. I began assessing the guys I went to school with, and their faces and bodies and then I would often overthink it like "I wish I could be like them, look like them, and maybe I could get the girl". But this got way out of control and I would google pictures of male celebrities and their bodies or in their underwear, like Zac Efron or David Beckham.....and....well I would masturbate to them. The thing is, there is no SEXUAL attraction, I was just masturbating over (to what felt like) jealousy. I wasn't imagining the sex (because that grosses me out), but I was just observing the body and the face and relieving myself of the stress I felt from wanting to look like them. I was masturbating over women way before I started switching - and then I got introduced to p*rn. I enjoyed it, but I used to observe the male rather than the woman, and then having the orgasm to the aspect and sounds of the sex. I suddenly got this obsession to p*rn and then...turned to gay versions. I have only watched a few videos, and about 5% of what I have watched in p*rn since I began has been gay. I often find though I can c*m faster if it is over a picture of a guys body I want, or if its gay porn (both lesbian and male on male), in comparison to if it's a picture of a woman or something...I have to actually see the woman in action to get hard enough to w*nk. All of this left me so confused...I mean I still do it but I still see myself as a straight guy because I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want to have sex with her, have kids, marry her, and be with her until I die. But do I want that with a man? No. But why do I do this to myself...why do I enjoy these pictures of abs and such? Is it because I am jealous? I have left high school now, but today I found myself overly-staring at a guy who, I don't find sexually attractive, but he's good looking and is slim....something which I wish I was. I'm not afraid to say certain guys are good looking, but I find myself often intimidated by them when it comes to coming in contact with them. Especially if they have an attractive girlfriend, or a good body or slim....I just don't know who I am anymore. Am I gay? Am I straight? Why am I getting these thoughts if I'm so sure on what I want in life? I don't want to be gay...at all. Because It isn't me, it isn't my idea of a happy life and I could never, ever, imagine myself with a man. I have been called gay so many times which used to mess with my head a lot, so that never reassured me and made me feel worse. I'm sorry this is so long, but I need all the help I can get. Please...somebody help me. Thank you.
S'up. I mean, uh, hey. We can't really tell you what you are or aren't, but we can give opinions. So here's mine: It sounds like you're probably straight with an ability to recognize the aesthetic attraction of men. That doesn't make you gay. It just means that you can appreciate how pretty boys look. But, uh, I'm probably biased. What DOES make you gay, though, is attraction to other men, and you said yourself that you didn't feel sexual attraction towards men. So I don't really think you're gay - but hey, like I said, we can't tell you. You'll have the final word.
Thank you for this, I guess this clears some things up. I never thought seeing a guy physically attractive was a 'gay' thing..I just thought it was human nature to admire all people. But then I heard friends calling it gay or whatever when they saw guys on Facebook complimenting each other and such...damn...since when was giving compliments to the same sex classified as 'gay' for men? :eusa_doh:
Sorry, didn't seem to get a notification. I know you asked for other opinions, but I'll jump in with one final word: Seriously, I have no idea. Women compliment each other a lot, and they can even call each other 'sexy' while still being perceived as straight. While it sort of makes it harder for LGB women to come out, straight men can't really go beyond a 'looking good' before they're called gay. Which is stupid, but unfortunately, that's how it is right now. Don't mind them. They're just desperate for excuses.
Yeah, I'll give it a go. Nychthemeron said it but I'll say it as well, we can give you opinions and speculate back and forth about what your orientation is until the cows come home, but in the end only you can be sure of it. But that's not to say our ideas won't help So it's clear you have an aesthetic attraction to men if nothing else. Most guys do have that whatever their orientation; as much as some guys rant and rave about guys complimenting each other being "gay", it's almost certain that they could still point out a good-looking guy and actually know which ones deserve compliments on their looks, even if they never actually do. Basically that whole thing about compliments for other guys = flaming homo is a crock of - well, you can complete that sentence - which neither you nor anyone else needs to take serious note of. To me it's also a given that you have some level of sexual and certainly romantic attraction to women, so I would rule out being gay as an option. Also it's worth considering that porn use doesn't give a clear-cut answer on orientation because even if you're straight you could still enjoy gay porn. That being said, I think if you look at pictures of nekkid guys for *enjoyment* as well as just *comparison*, then perhaps there's something more. I mean if you do like dudes in porn (that is, to whack off to rather than to analyse and compare to), there may be an element of sexual attraction there. Don't rush to conclusions about your sexuality solely off of porn, though, because porn can turn you on outside your normal boundaries. Use it as a spring board for thoughts, but I think fantasies without porn and real-life crushes are better indicators. So are you able to fantasise about men without porn? Are there any guys you've seen or know who you think are cute (in a "I wanna cuddle him" way, rather than a "oh, he's alright I guess" way)? If you take some time to "switch off" all of society's default settings about gay relationships in your head, do you actually think it could make you happy if there were no outside, societal pressures? Is there anything that's actually bad about such a relationship from your point of view? Tl;dr I think you're probably predominantly attracted to women but there might be some level of sexual attraction to men. I do think we can rule out being gay, though, since it sounds like you are attracted to women to a large degree! So I'll say that you might be bi (but if you don't feel the need to act on your feelings for men you could just call yourself straight for simplicity's sake) leaning more toward women, but keep mulling it over and time will help you along!
