I've had this problem for many years. I can fall in love with someone, someone at work, someone working at a restaurant, a friend of a friend of mine,....and sometimes they're straight, sometimes they're taken or not interested. And then I can no longer stand them around. I've even quit jobs, moved out of an apartment, started to avoid them because whenever I saw them there was this part of me getting very sexual. I moved away from them to protect myself, not that I would rape them but the thought of never having sex with them was killing me and so it was better to avoid them completely just because keep seeing them would kill me. I love macho men but I often don't like their personality. At the moment there is this guy, he's Italian and works as a waiter at his father's restaurant. He has perfect female eyebrows, they used to be different before so he's taking good care about his looks, his super nice and not as macho as his colleagues. When I check his FB profile I noticed no girlfriends over the last 5 years, he's constantly hanging out with his mates, his family, macho men. I've shown his pic to many of my gay friends. One of them even joined me when having dinner at the restaurant and the told me: I have this feeling he's gay but he's closeted. On the other hand he plays soccer. Whenever I leave the restaurant I'm like: what a fool am I? But on the other hand I think I don't want to make the same mistake again. I've just told a few men I had feelings for them ( without doing anything wrong) and I've even ended up at the hospital. The thing is: whenever I feel sexually aroused, there's this beast in me constantly wondering: how would it be to have sex with him? I still wonder how it would have been with my ex-neighbour and I'll never have him. In the end I have never done anything wrong but deep inside it's killing me at times. I could also not have a female friend being with a man I like. I'd be too jealous.
