How do you know for sure what your orientation is?

Knowing what your sexuality is just comes from within/the mind. It's normal to be confused. But I think to know what sexuality you are, you have to be attracted to the thought of having sex/making out with specific genders.

I disagree that you need experience to know who you are. I've had zero experience with either gender and I'm still 100% gay. Experience doesn't always mean anything because some lesbians can 'do things' with women as an experiment and hate the act itself, likewise, other lesbians can experiment with men and enjoy it. But this doesn't make them 'straight'.

 

I believe you just know (Put in the most simple way possible).

 

I don't know if you really need to "experiment" to figure things out, but you may need a little more time to observe your feelings. Generally people can figure these things out with some self reflection and time, rather than making out with every person they see :icon_wink . Some people do go the experimentation route, and if they're honest about it with the people they "experiment" with I think that's ok. But you kind of have to be careful, there, as you're trifling with other people's feelings, too, not just your own.

 

Did I sense a typo? Your mom says you *shouldn't* label yourself without experience?

If so, when was her first experience with a woman that convinced her she wasn't a lesbian? Or bisexual?

Most people do not experiment with both sexes to figure out their sexuality. That's because they're straight. And in some cases because they're gay. The thing to do is to experiment with people you find yourself *attracted* to. If that's a woman, fine; if it's a man, fine. But don't choose based on their sex...choose based on attraction.

 

Some people just know, for others it can take years to figure out what they are. You don't have to date someone you don't want to date, of course. But if there are any guys you're attracted to and think you might want to be with, then sure go for it. Same with girls. There's no need to rush to label yourself if you're unsure.

 

I agree that you don't HAVE to have experience in order to know... I basically knew all along that I was gay but was in a lot of denial due to religion, etc.

I'll tell you what sorted it out really quickly: making out with a guy! All the confusing thoughts I had been wrestling mentally for years simply disappeared and I knew then that I was surely gay. Again, experience isn't required, but it sure can speed things up and make it clearer.

 

You don't need experience. When I was your age I first started to have an attraction to guys, so I thought I was bisexual, and after a while my attraction for women went away mostly, eclipsed by my attraction to men. You might be, or you might not. Don't worry too much, just let it flow.

 

I have been going through the same thing, figuring it all out and thinking for the past 2 and a half years.. I haven't had any experience with either women or men and I know I could have a relationship and be intimate with either gender.. I have come to the conclusion myself that I can fall for someone's personality, regardless of the persons gender.. If someone has a beautiful personality and I feel a connection and that person is a girl, I am not going to deny myself the opportunity to be with that woman. It's hard to explain.. After 2 and a half years of feeling confused and unsure.. It just came to me after something a woman said to me on another forum and a few people here said as well. I felt stressed when I tried to decide if I was straight or a lesbian, so this feels the most comfortable for me. You just need to take the time, think on it and just let your heart decide what makes you happy.

 

I started to ask myself if i was a lesbian around age 12 or 13 and i said to myself i wouldn't know until i slept with a guy. I know that was wrong, but that is what people would say just like your mother said. I don't think its wrong to follow your feelings and date people. If you are attracted to a person and would like to date them date them. What helped me was comparing my feelings for men vs women. How i acted toward them when i had a crush. What were my first thoughts and feels were for a guy vs a girl. I found that for women my thoughts and feelings came from an emotional place vs men it came from a logical place. I would say," oh he has blue eyes... I want my kid to have a chance to have blue eyes" or stuff like that. It was like i was looking for a sperm donor. For women i would spend money on them, buy them everything they want.. I would want to protect them and love them...i would think,"how would it feel to kiss this girl?" Men i would love them a lot as a person and care for them deeply.. I wouldn't mind kissing them, but i would NOT want them to touch me sexually. I would end up feeling violated. Just for me after a lot of analyzing..following my feelings, trying being with people i thought i might have a connection with...through history and self-analyzation. I came to realize yes i can love a man for who he is, but i could not be in a relationship with them... And that my feelings for girls are way stronger. So that means yes i want guys to be my best friend, but women i want them to be the love of my life. Another advice.. Don't let people push you to be with men. I pushed myself.. I thought i had to make it work with a man to only in the end loose myself. Just follow your feelings, act on them (safely), and analyze your feelings, thoughts, & experience. Once you figure it out... There still is that step of acceptance too.

Wish you the best and hope i helped a little from sharing my self-realization story.

 

I think it's pretty easy for me. The only hard part was figuring out if I'm sexually attracted to boys. I knew I would like people regardless of whether or not they're trans, and and I'm more attracted to androgynous-looking people. I knew I was panromantic as soon as I learned what it meant, I just had to know that I would never NOT like someone just because of their gender.

 

It can be hard to know for sure, but I honestly think a lot of it is just a mental feeling... I feel like I could have sex and/or relationships with both or either genders, I could see myself with either or, and that's why I identify as bisexual. Gender doesn't really matter to me, it's the person inside.

And agreed that you don't necessarily need experience, either... I think sexuality is based more on feelings, attraction and desire, than experience. You have gay people who have never been with anyone, hell, sometimes even ones that have only been with the opposite sex in cases of people who are closeted or in denial. But they're still very much gay. And notice how no one never tells straight people they need to have experience to know they're straight or like the opposite sex. It's only gay or bi people who suddenly need all this experience to "prove" it. That's such BS to me. I've even seen some people who have said that you don't have the "right" to call yourself bisexual unless you've been in long-term relationships with both sexes. I was like... really? Really?

 

I totally feel ya. That's why I'm here. The only difference with me is I can't really talk to my family about it. They look down on Same sex relationships, that's what makes it a hard situation for me. Also that I haven't even figured it out myself.

 

I figured it out by paying attention to who I fancy, and just want from there.

 

Bluntly put, I fantasize about having sex with older men. Not guys my age, only older men. It's weird because even though I'll have these "thoughts", I can hardly believe that I'll want to have sex with guys in real life, let alone have a relationship with them. Yeah sure, I have the "sexual attraction" to guys, so to speak, but I am not emotionally or romantically attracted to guys in general. That's not something you choose.

I'm not 100% gay or bi because the "feeling" for ANY guy isn't there. That's not something you can choose from the get go. You can choose what label to put on yourself, but who you like in the real world truly defines your sexuality. If you truly liked someone for who they were, you wouldn't be imagining sex with them everyday.

 

The thing is that the answer is already within you. Your unconscious mind already knows what your sexuality is but, sometimes, because of emotional blocks it can be really difficult to get access to the truth. And because it's like that, you, as others have said in this thread, do not need to experiment with anyone in order to know who you're attracted to. You just need to become as open as possible and stop standing in your own way, and the best way to do this, imo, is to learn how to stop caring about what you are.
Oh, and when you know, you know. Things are just clear to you.

 

Everyone who posted had some great advice, so forgive me if I repeat some things, but...

For me, figuring out my sexual orientation is made so much easier by basically letting yourself be who you are, not expecting yourself to be anything, not trying to label yourself too fast, forgetting about people who might dislike or not date you for what your orientation is, and not getting so caught up in trying to figure it out or trying to be what your conscious mind wants to be by over-analyzing and questioning your sexuality over and over every time you have just a little attraction to a person. If you just keep those things in mind, then it will be much easier to see just who you have attractions for without any insecurity or worry or anything getting in the way. Good luck in figuring it all out! You will soon! I hope I made sense lol.