So this is all pretty new to me, as a 32 year old married mother. I guess I'm still questioning if I truly am or not. But I know that the first sexual fantasy I had I was thinking about a boy, but midway through I started thinking of a girl. It was a jarring thing, and I just brushed it off. I've had plenty of lesbian friends, been hit on by women, etc. but was never attracted to them or interested in them. I've always enjoyed looking at women, in general, and feeling interested in a particular type of girl and imagining what it would be like to kiss one or be with one romantically, but just figured it was normal to think about. I've always had relationships with men, and I'm starting to realize that maybe I was just doing what was expected. Now I've met a girl, and romantically and physically everything with her is like everything I thought always wanted but never thought I could have. Like fireworks, butterflies, inability to breathe, physically satisfied. I've never been satisfied with a man, more just going through the motions because that's what I thought you were supposed to do. I guess I still don't know if I'm a lesbian, or if I am just in love with a girl. If that makes sense...
Well... If she didn't exist, would you be wishing there was some other girl? Either way, I'd say, on paper at least, you're a lesbian for this girl.
Could be a lesbian or just bisexual or heteroflexible (if spelled right). Take time to really figure out who you are and a label. If satisfied you mean orgasm. There are women who don't get orgasms from just penetration sex. Think about 75% of women don't have orgasm from just penetration sex. Maybe just look at your emotions and the emotions you had during sex with men. Did you emotionally enjoy it? In the end you know what makes you a certain sexual orientation....you can even go to a lgbt therapist to help figure out your orientation. Wish you the best!
[/QUOTE] Yeah, I think the fireworks and butterflies and inability to breathe is your answer. Have you EVER felt this way about a man? The same thing happened to me and I had never felt that way before. I had a serious romantic crush but never had sex with that woman (I sound like Bill Clinton) :icon_wink It doesn't matter though…I know now what it feels like to really be sexually attracted to someone. I know now how it really feels to fall in love. Even if this doesn't develop into anything serious I believe, through my own experience, you will never look at women or your own sexuality in the same way again. I don't mean that you will be attracted to every woman you see….it's just different, that's all.
Thank you guys. I guess, ultimately, you love who you love and it doesn't really need a label does it? I suppose, if I look back at it, I enjoy being physical but I've never particularly enjoyed sex. It was kind of just something to get through. The last few times I've tried to be physical with my husband I've either ended up sobbing the whole time, or just cringing and pushing him away. This was definitely not the case with this girl. I thought maybe I was just...cold...that way. That seems not to be the problem however. I've definitely never felt this way about a man. No butterflies, no heart attacks just thinking about them. And I've never been just so happy and felt so at home and myself before. She just broke my heart, just decided that even though she's in love with me that she has obligations that she's just not ready to let go of yet. I think I need to clean up my life a little bit, but I do hope to explore and figure out if this is what's been missing from my life.
It will all fall into place with time. My first crush totally broke my heart and I thought I would never go through that again but time is what you need. Time to really get to know yourself and get in touch with your feelings. You know deep in your heart what is missing from your life and you will sort it out. We all need to learn from the past and then move on to whatever feels right for you. I can tell you that you will probably never completely forget your first but if you can take away this new found you and end up more fulfilled, and aware of yourself, the pain is worth it. Just think if you had never met her…you would never know what it feels like to feel love. We are all here if you need support…EC is a wonderful place…who knew? Crazy huh?
i am very happy you figured it out. I can relate to the just so happy, felt at home, and myself.. I am sorry she broke your heart and that she broke up with you. I guess time to continue exploring and figuring this side of self. Wish you the best and no you don't need a label. If someone ask you can just say,"I follow my heart whatever gender it may be." Or something like that.
I have been down that road before.. I met a girl and fell completely in love with her, her personality and just everything about her.. For a long time, I wasn't sure if it was just her or if it meant I liked girls in general.. That was 2 and a half years ago now.. So it has taken me that long to finally figure out that I am attracted to peoples personalities.. I call myself bisexual, but I really see myself as pansexual sometimes. Don't feel you need to force yourself to choose who you are right now, or ever.. As seeking mentioned.. All you need to say is something like "You follow your heart no matter where it takes you", or that "You are open to any possibilities".. That is how I see myself.. Open to any possibility no matter the gender. I'm sorry she broke your heart, but it sounds like she has her own reasons as to why she has chosen to leave and it is good you are respecting that as well, just let yourself be open to explore who you are and try not to stress on it.
