Hey everyone, I'm new here. I live in the South (Middle Georgia, U.S.A., for reference), and I have a long story that I'll sum up quickly. I was single for 18 years, until I found someone who made me feel amazing, who I was so close with, we could finish each other's sentences and frequently answered questions the exact same way in unison, who loved the same things I did, video games, computers, and sex (I'm being honest, I /loved/ the sex with him, and I thought he did too) until I found out he was cheating with me with people online for the year and a half we were together, so we've gone our separate ways. Anyways, I'm bisexual (I'm pretty sure, but I'm getting to this), and I've been trying to get to know a few girls better, with no luck so far (One of the reasons I think helped my sexuality blossom into going both ways, maybe. I'm not sure.). My parents absolutely hated me being in a gay relationship, telling me they wish I had been on drugs, telling me they wish I had gotten a girl pregnant, asking me what the hell was wrong with me, etc... They've been saying they're ashamed of me, telling me I'm going to hell, all sorts of abusive stuff that negatively affected me until I finally told them my boyfriend and I aren't talking, then it went back to how it was before I came out to them. This makes no sense to me, I've always been a wonderful son (in my opinion) because I've always listened to them, gave them no "teen drama" like I've seen others do, I'm an honor graduate, and exempted most of my college courses by taking AP classes and attending college while in high school, I graduated at rank 4 out of 200 with the highest male GPA in my grade, and am halfway to a Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology, after having graduated in May 2013. Apparently all this, on top of being a responsible, law-abiding Good Samaritan who's holding two jobs at the moment means next to nothing if I'm not interested in women. Anyways, aside from my parental rant, I've been trying to ask out girls because I want someone to be with that my parents won't ban from my house like they did with my boyfriend. Here's my dilemma. I read a few gay stories online today on a story site... It reminded me of how my boyfriend and I used to be, so romantically devoted to and alive for each other... And I don't know if I could feel the same way I did with him if I was with someone who isn't male (as I have absolutely never had any experience with women). So, for those of you wiser and more experienced than I am, I implore you to answer as best you can: Is it possible to feel complete with the opposite sex, even though I've never been with anyone (never even held hands or even got farther than just being friends with) other than the one male who I am now separated from? If not, I don't think I could be with a girl, but that means I'd have to wait until I moved out to have a happy relationship with someone because of my parents. I know this question is relative, no one can answer definitively for me, but I just need to gain some perspective on this. I'm sorry if anyone feels I'm talking their ears off (or typing their eyes out), but I have no one in real life to go to on this, since my parents look at me with disdain if I so much as mention not being anything but straight. Thank you for reading.
Hey, First, sorry to hear about your parents. Mine reacted similarly at first. I hope they become more accepting with time. Second thing, I have to ask: are you asking out girls because you want to or because you want to make your parents happy? If you actually are attracted to girls and you find one that you like, that's awesome. If it's the latter, I would recommend not pursuing girls. You deserve to have someone that makes you happy, not your parents.
It's not that I'm not attracted to girls, I find some to be pretty, and I try with them. Usually can't get very far. I'm just not sure that even if I find a girl who will go out with me, when it comes down to it, if it'll feel the same to me as when I was with my only partner to date, my boyfriend. I know it won't be the /exact/ same, don't get me wrong, but... I'm not sure if I'll get that same feeling of "completeness" that I got when I had him in my arms, with /any/ girl, not just one or two. I don't know if it'll only apply to being with guys.
I find some girls pretty too, but I'm not attracted to them if that makes sense. I don't automatically stare when a really hot girl walks by. I don't want to have sex with them. I don't want to be intimate with them. I DO want all of those things from guys I'm attracted to. You can find girls pretty, but if you aren't attracted to them, you will only end up making yourself miserable. I'm not trying to question your sexuality. It just seems like you aren't very interested in girls based off of what you've written and that you're mainly doing it so that your parents accept you. I would try to not try when dating. I don't mean shut people out, but if you have to try to like someone, do you really think it will work out in the long run? If you do happen to find a girl that truly makes you happy and that you want to be intimate with, that is great. If you meet a guy that makes you feel great and that you enjoy being intimate with, that is great as well. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
There's a saying I'm sure you've heard, "Don't knock it till you try it." I guess before I swear off women for good, I could at least try dating one, and see if I feel any romantic feelings towards her at any point, as I did with my boyfriend. Satisfying my parents is just a plus. Is it bad when they say they hope your boyfriend cheats on you, and then say "Hallelujah" when the boyfriend in question does, in fact, do just that?
Have you ever seen As the World Turns? It's a soap opera about a gay couple, Luke and Noah. Noah has an extremely homophobic father, so he forced himself into a straight relationship because he knew that it would please his father...but the relationship failed because he fell in love with Luke. He knew in his heart that he would never truly be happy with a woman, but he forced himself to do so anyway just to please his father. This, to me, sounds like you. Listen to your heart. If you feel like you will be much more comfortable sharing yourself with a man, go for it. Don't live in a lie just because it pleases others. Follow your heart.
I suppose I should also do what your signature says and trust God. If I end up falling in love with a woman, great. If I find myself unable to, I'll end the relationship. After all, if I end up with someone in marriage, it's because God wants me to be with that someone, isn't it? However, my parents felt that my boyfriend (who was actually an avid Christian, more so than I am, despite him growing up in a home with no religion and me going to church every Sunday until I was about 10), was "blinded by the devil."
Don't get in a relationship to develop feelings. You should have the feelings before you get into a relationship. That's why it is a relationship instead of a friendship.
It's hard to develop feelings for someone before I enter a relationship with them when I don't know them. I try to get to know them by asking them out (Bit of a paradox, eh?). At least, that's how it goes with the girls. With guys, it's usually that I end up crushing on one of my friends (Though this only worked once, with my ex. All my other friends are straight, sadly.) and I know them pretty well, because we've hung out. But I have very few female friends (probably 3 or less who I can say for sure are my friends), one of them being one of my best friend's girlfriend.
I used to get crushes on girls. I don't even really know if I have had a crush since my partner. I don't think I have. It's more like, "Oh, I find this girl pretty." or "I find this guy cute." And I usually don't go for the guys because it's the South, they're most likely straight or wouldn't admit it if they weren't. So I just go for the girls I find attractive because I have a genuine interest in wanting to get to know them better. Apparently they don't feel the same about me ('NNOOOOOOOO,' said Luke Skywalker!) and that kinda bums me out. So, I wouldn't say "Crush," more than I would "Interest in knowing a person."
