My boyfriend knows that I'm a pre-op transsexual and he says he would like to have intercourse with me, I mean we've been together for almost a year, however I don't know how to tell him that I am HIV positive and I don't know what to do.
There is only one thing you can do here and that is you have to tell him. HIV is not something you can just shrug off your shoulder, he needs to know so he can choose whether he is willing to take the risk. If you do go through with it then use a condom otherwise he is guaranteed to get it whereas with a condom its just a little risk he might
We all agree that you have to tell him, but you don't know how. The only way I can think of to deal with a difficult conversation is to say what you need to say in the first sentence: "I am HIV+" Set up a meeting, a time and a place and say it, you can deal with the questions that will come, including that you are (hopefully!) on meds and that your virus load is undetectable (also hopefully). You can talk about the very low risk that a seronegative partner will contract the virus if your viral load is undetectable and you are using condoms. You can even talk about using PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) as an option for added protection. Whatever you do, you must tell him soon!
I know I have to tell him, I just don't know if I should just break it off, I just don't want him to get hurt even if he does choose to have sex with me, however I also believe that it's less likely for him to get it since I am always the receiving partner the times I've had sex and I do not intend to have sex with him until I tell him, I plan on telling him as soon as he gets home from work, I don't have work today so I'm trying to figure this out. I know he loves me so he won't leave me for anything, but I also feel really horrible about this, I still feel bad from waiting until we'd been together for a few months to tell him I'm transsexual and I dont want to continue on neglecting to tell him pertinent information, that's not how a relationship should work. I'm a horrible girlfriend. Thank you for the assistance with this matter, I did not know this information.
Don't put yourself down, it's a difficult thing to tell anyone. I do want to dispel the notion that he is less at risk (if you weren't under treatment) simply because you would be the receiving partner. It is risky regardless. My sister is HIV positive and she "came out" to me well after the disease was affecting her body. This was almost 20 years ago, at a time when effective drugs were not yet available. She found the courage to tell me when it was a far worse disease to deal with, you will find that same courage, I have no doubts! Your best option is to inform yourself as much as possible before telling him. Look up information on "serodiscordant couples" and the PARTNER study. Provided you are properly and continuously medicated and you both use proper precautions, the news is very encouraging: the risks to the negative partner are quite low.
Well. Do you love each other? A year waiting for sex is sorta rare. There is some spark there. If you love him you need to tell him. Second if he loves you, then he will be willing to take the risks. HIV isn't a death sentence any more but you have to tell him.
