Hi, I've come here for advice because I've been struggling with my sexual orientation for a number of years. I'll recap my story below, keeping it as short as possible. Apologies for the 'intimate' nature of some of the details but I felt they were important to include. Throughout my life, I have generally felt straight. I get turned on by the sight of women. I enjoy straight porn. I fantasy about women when I masturbate. This has been consistent throughout my life and remains so. At the same time, since my late teens I have blushed and felt nervous around attractive guys. It started with a guy I worked with when I was 19. Whenever he would come in the room I would go bright red. Each time it felt acutely embarrassing and I just wanted to get out of there. This has kept happening over the following 10 years. Not with a lot of guys, but on a regular enough basis and always with attrative ones. It most recently happened only last week. I still find the whole thing humiliating: I'm embarrassed that people might think I fancy that person; I'm also embarrassed that people might think I'm trying to hide my sexual orientation. Around five years ago, it dawned on me that this blushing might indicate attraction. So since then I have been open to the idea I might be gay. While very troubling at first, this possibility doesn't bother me anymore. There are a couple of other points that suggest to me I might be attracted to guys. I've struggled to get an erection with a couple of girls I have dated. I'm excited by the idea of sex but once we get our clothes off I don't always feel that turned on. However, not being able to perform seems to be correlated with not feeling comforable - when I am with a girl and feel really at ease and confident, performance isn't a problem. Penetrative sex, while enjoyable, feels like it should be more enjoyable. Finally, I think I often find guys cuter than girls generally. For example if I see a photo of a couple, the guy often looks attractive to me while the girl doesn't so much. So that's where I am now. I seem to have a lot of signs pointing in the direction that I am attracted to guys. There are guys who I blush around and I think are attractive. But then the people I enjoying fantasizing about having sex with are always girls. So I feel a bit stuck. This is having quite a negative impact on my life. I don't go in for any relationships as I'm not sure what's right for me. I also suffer from anxiety in social situations as I worry people will spot me blushing. I think it also stops me building stronger bonds with my friends (and making new ones) as I get anxious in social situations, stop taking part and don't get to know people as well as I could do. For a while my plan of action has been get out there and see what it's like to flirt/kiss/maybe more with a guy. But it's been a few years since I decided that was a good idea and I still haven't tried it yet. Partly because I'm not sure if I actually want to do that. And partly because I am quite a shy person and chatting someone up - anyone - is a very daunting prospect. I could keep adding details for ever but I think that covers the main points. If you have got this far thanks for sticking with me! Look forward to reading any advice or comments.
You seem to have done what i would have given advice to do. You have pretty much compared your emotions and such. I think you could still be bisexual, but not my place to tell you your sexual orientation. My only last advice is take the next steps to express yourself emotionally and sexually that you are comfortable with doing. Even make some friends with gay men and build a support system as well as circle of friends. In the end only time will tell and you expressing yourself. I'm the type to just go out and express my sexual/emotional feelings to see if i will enjoy what i think and feel i would enjoy. You seem to have done the first step and that is organizing your feelings and experience... Now it is time to make friends in the lgbt community and express yourself. Just take this time to be YOU to the best of your knowledge of self.
Many people nowadays have played with the idea that sexuality is fluid, and I think this may help explain your situation. You may have just shifted from mainly liking girls to mainly liking men. If I were to offer any insight, I would definitely say you are bisexual, since you are attracted to girls despite your feelings for men. I agree with seeking when she says to have a support system-should you choode to come out, make sure you have loving and accepting friends.
Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate them I am lucky in that I know my friends and family would be very supportive if I came out to them. In fact I have already told a couple of people about my situation and they have been very supportive in different ways. But it doesn't feel like a good idea to talk about it more generally with people until I have things a bit clearer in my own head. Would you agree? In any case I will think about how I can take further steps to explore and express my feelings.
I agree, get comfortable and confident with your label before talking about it more generally. Go at your own pace is a good thing to remember. best of luck
