Is it possible to only be attracted to someone once you've gotten close emotionally and physically? Like sure, I find people attractive but I would never have a crush on them unless we have done something like have a deep conversation or kiss or cuddle. For example, last spring I kissed (and did other things with...)a boy and even though I pretty much identify as a lesbian, he made me question myself again because of the shared intimacy. Before this, I found him attractive but I had never felt that attracted to a guy before. Earlier this week, I was sharing a hotel bed with one of my friends,(we were on a band trip) and we ended up cuddling and getting close. Again, though I always thought she was pretty and amazing, since that night I can't stop thinking about her in a more romantic way. Does this mean I'm bi? Is it a thing to just be attracted to anyone as long as you've gotten close like that with them? I feel like this is really weird.
You could be bisexual... But bisexual is more like about liking the two gender sexually and liking them for their gender. If i remember the definition of pansexual well...pansexuals usually don't care about the gender or gender identity and care more about the emotional/intellectual connection between their self and the person. From what you have told saying you do not start thinking about them more than who they are until you have had some deep conversation which causes an emotional and intellectual attraction to them which then causes other intimate thoughts. So maybe you are pansexual. But speaking personally...i can think a girl is hot and *drools* when i see her, but i won't think of her sexually until there is a emotional/intellectual connection. So maybe you are just like that and you are bisexual. Just do your thing...if you get like this for someone than maybe try dating them. But i personally will definitely peg you as either bisexual or pansexual. I've heard people say that what makes them pansexual is the fact that they don't care about gender identity which i usually see people say that when relating to transgender related topics. I hope this helped a little and sorry if i didn't explain pansexual as well as i could...someone here or google might do a better job than me.
No set of experiences "means" you are bi. But your experience is certainly compelling evidence...but just one data point, really. I'm not sure what poster #2 means about bisexuality. Bisexuality is attraction (sexual and/or romantic) to both sexes, not necessarily equally, and often in a fluctuating way (i.e., you can be more attracted to men some days and more to women other days...or it can be more constant). Based on your story here, I like your stated orientation (90% girls)...if this is about right (i.e., you're sometimes attracted to men...not just to look but to touch, etc.), then that would suggest to me that you could be something like a Kinsey 5 (0 = straight, 6 = gay, so 5 would be not quite a lesbian, or a lesbian with some straight-curiosity/interest). I don't see anything in your post that suggests pansexuality. It's always possible, but I see no specific evidence in what you've told us. But I do agree with poster #2 that you need to just do your thing, and go with whoever you find yourself attracted to. Don't be hamstrung by a label you've chosen for yourself...it's just a word, after all. Take control: go with who you like; and if you notice after a while that you do get these occasional hankerings for sex with a guy (either guys in general or a specific guy), then consider changing the label to a more accurate one.
Perhaps pansexuality with an element of demisexuality too, perhaps. Demisexuality is when you can only feel attraction when you've shared an emotional bond. But it's a tag that attaches onto an orientation, so one can be a demisexual bisexual, lesbian, gay, etc. But don't worry about tags too much, see where your feelings take you
Agreed with Candide, you're most likely demi bisexual. I would suggest to keep finding those who you can connect with, if that wasn't obvious :lol:
Do you *need* a label? What you are doing sounds like it's working for you. I call myself Bi, but it's not like I'm looking for specific things, it's about the "connection". If the other person and I have that chemistry....
