ad an anxiety disorder since I was young and tend to latch onto obsessive fears of mine, but now I'm worried I'll be in denial and use that as an excuse. I can't remember having a crush on a girl. from the time I was in elementary school, I have noticed boys and crushed on male celebrities and guys in school.mThroughout middle school, I liked a guy for 3 years. I fell for him in a way words can't describe. He was everything to me and I hated seeing him even look at another girl. He just seemed perfect to me in every way and I'd think of him all the time. He didn't return the same feelings and I eventually got over him. After a friend came out to me as lesbian, I completely accepted her as my parents fully support gay rights. I never quite understood her feelings because I couldn't imagine myself crushing on girls or not having a desire for men. One day I was feeling extremely stressed about my other fear of having cancer and began wondering if I was gay to. I have always been attracted to guys, wanted to marry them, be with them and the idea of 2 men together turns me on. I'm always worried and checking what I like and sometimes when I'm really anxious lesbian sex stories will turn me on because of the relatable female pleasure they feel that you don't get to read about in male stories. all this worrying has made me pretty numb to the idea Of sex by now. I've also been Constanly checking if I'm attracted to EVERY girl I see. If they're pretty I think I have a crush on them but I just can't see them that way. Like they're good looking but Idrc about being with them.Am I denying attraction? I always just tell myself I'm lesbian, and then my anxiety goes away but then I am attracted to guys again but then I worry that I'm just ignoring the truth because of society, I fear that I'll live my life in denial and I'm so worried and anxious all the time I can't get awY from constant fear. HELP
I don't want to come across as rude, but I think you need to find some way to deal with your anxiety issues. You never once mention being attracted to another woman... so no, you aren't lesbian. I wouldn't normally be so concise, but you need to realize that you have written no actual reason for thinking you're lesbian other than paranoia.
What you are describing sounds a lot like HOCD. Here is a helpful article on the topic: OCDOnline.com You can find more by Googling HOCD. This is something I have struggled with for a long time, and still unclear for me what the outcome is. The gist of it is that intense worry/obsession/checking about whether or not you're gay is not necessarily the same thing as actually being gay. One is about anxiety, the other is about sexuality. Or so the theory goes...
