I feel like I'm just kidding myself at this point :/

Warning : This post may be long and boring, sorry.
First off, I have a 2 year old daughter and am currently 6 months along with a boy. Just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy I've known since I was a kid( also the father of the boy) He was mean, and untrustworthy. Anyways, going back a few years: Ever since I was in 7th grade I knew I was attracted to women and men. The very first person I dated was a girl in 7th, split, I dated a few others, we split and they ended up dating new boyfriends so I did as well. I kinda gave up on dating women as they all seemed to just go back to their ex bf's etc. I met this one girl through mutual friends and we clicked instantly, she was this short, cute brown headed girl that was so shy it was adorable. I knew I loved her but that was the point in my life where I started wondering what I really was, lesbian, bi, straight, idk. I was so confused and unsure of myself that I pushed her away and we ended up breaking up because of my personal insecurities. We got back together eventually but yet again I did the same thing. I pushed her away. 6 years later and we don't even speak anymore even though I still think about her a lot. The reason I'm so conflicted is that I just don't know anymore. I almost don't know how to describe how I feel. I look at men and women and know that I find some men to be attractive and some women to be attractive, but when I look at women, I actually think about them, when I look at men I just go wow hot nice bod blah blah. My experience with men has been awful. It's like deep down subconsciously I know what I am but I don't at the same time. Like I'm choosing all these men that I know are no good for me because I could possibly be gay and just haven't realized it yet. I see men and I see sex. Hence two kids. I don't know anymore honestly. I don't know if I just find some men to be attractive but deep down I have more emotional connections with women, would rather be in relationship long term with a woman yada yada idk. I think one of my big reasons for being confused is because I have kids. If I have kids I must have felt something for those men right? I mean I thought I did but when I really think about it I'm the one who usually loses interest in the man. I don't connect. We'll be great friends and hook up, have a good time, laugh, talk for hours like my sons father and I but I can't see us long term. Idk if I'm kidding myself and may actually be L but I'm too scared to admit to myself and others because I have kids. I'd hate to finally find myself but because of that people call me a liar or confused and then I'm right back here again questioning myself. I've been thinking about this for years and I'm tired of wondering. I don't want to miss a great opportunity because I'm too scared to face the facts or I haven't found my answers by then.