I'm 23 years old and I'm still at a blank about my sexuality. I've always dated guys, not to rag on myself but I've dated a lot. I've dated a lot, and a lot have gone absolutely nowhere. Most ended in less than a few months. It's almost always the same thing. The idea of them and having a boyfriend sounds fantastic in the beginning. A couple weeks in (like usually really about 2 weeks) I get restless. I start to think just about any and everything they do is disgusting and irritating. The biggest problem I generally have is I begin to feel no attraction what so ever, leading to no physical "connection", therefore leading to tension. Now, by starting out that way it could easily be said that I'm just selfish and no good at relationships . Maybe I get scared and start pushing people away? Maybe I'm not willing to work at it? Trust me, I've heard it all. But the fact is that I've always had a thing for girls. About 4 years ago I even brought it up to a few close family members. They were okay with it. But then I met a boy that liked me and it seemed like an easier way out. I thought maybe it was just a phase that had passed. I've been with girls, physically, when I was younger. It was a known fact that I liked to kiss girls, a lot. I've had crushes on girls. I've tried hitting on girls at bars after having a bit too much to drink. And when it comes to checking people out I'm almost positive I focus more on guys. Besides that, I've never once had a sex dream about a man. But I have had sex dreams, every time it's been a woman. I wrote in the beginning of this post about my dating experience because I'm currently in the beginning of a relationship. It hasn't been long at all, but I'm already feeling those familiar feelings of disgust and unhappiness. I think that over just a few months (about 2 or 3) I shouldn't have any kind of those feelings. I should still be attracted, and not want to push him away whenever he kisses me or feel the need to get away when he touches me. I've never actuuuually tried to date a girl. To be j time at that level with one, so I really have nothing to compare it to. Anyways sorry for the lone post. Halp.
Well, I think checking out guys more may, in your case, just be due to unconsciously knowing they are who you're "supposed" to be looking at. Sounds to me like you might be lesbian... but what do I know? I'm not you! I think that if the relationship you're starting right now doesn't pan out you should try getting out of your "comfort zone" - try actually dating a woman and see what happens.
My mom thinks all of these issues are normal. And that I'm just too inside my head. Oh and that I just need counseling for "unresolved issues".
Well, parents are known for completely denying that their children are individuals, with individual ideas... I'd ignore her on that suggestion. In fact, I bet that she thinks it's a "normal issue" because it's an "issue" that she had and completely repressed.
