I've recently been speaking to this girl (I am 16 and male) and we've been getting along quite well. Last night we were talking about our 'types' of people and she said after a while I sound 'a tad gay'. Initially she said she was joking, but if she didn't mean it - she wouldn't have said it. She told me not to get offended and then said I'm a 'suave' guy which was probably to cover up what she just said. I've recently just accepted that I am actually straight after much confusion about my sexuality. I love vaginas, the thought of me having sex with a man is repulsive, I would never settle down with a man and all that jazz which I'm just not into. But that fact she said this kinda threw me a little. Why would she say it? Was she referring to the way I was describing my ideal chick, the way I talk or act..etc? I've been called gay so many times throughout high school and even by my family, and it's something that has never really phased me because I was (at the time) so sure that I wasn't. But I actually like this girl, and I'm attracted to her both physically and sexually, but for her to say I sound a 'tad gay' kinda put me off and now my mind is all over the place:bang:....what am I doing wrong? Am I giving off the wrong impression? Please help.
Well I'm not sporty or a games console freak so I mentioned I'd like a girl to relax with, films and meals and such. I am not too interested in looks, I'm more of a personality person and if they make me laugh then they're already half way there. Looks are a bonus for me, it'd be nice to have a little looks thrown in, but personality is priority. I grew up respecting girls, which I told her, and that I don't judge by rack, ass or figure - and if any of my friends do it, I think it's disrespectful. That's why I used to get called gay at school, because I was never one to go around labeling girls 'hot' 'nice boobs or bum' etc - just subtle comments like 'oh yeah, she's attractive' for example..
I think most guys would be offended by what she said even if they are not questioning their sexuality and confident in their sexuality. I don't think any guy into a girl wants that girl to call him that. It is not respectful or right to tell someone their sexuality. I would just take it as her being rude and sometimes when people like someone and are nervous they can act like a tard to the person. I wouldn't let what she says or what those in your high school have said about you being gay hurt you or question your sexuality. Especially a bunch of teenagers in a midst of their on confusion of self and life. People sometimes call men gay if they are very cleaned, organized, very friendly & nurturing, well dressed, etc. I just wouldn't take her saying that as you are gay. She is just rude and using a stereotype of what a gay is to offend you or compliment you. Who knows..i wouldn't mess with her personally if she feels it is okay to call someone gay just cuz of there body language or the way they looks. Calling someone gay should never be used to offend someone or compliment them...there are better ways to compliment someone. I just don't like what she said either...shows more ignorance than anything else.
From what you've described it sounds like she was kidding around based on your assertion that you don't worry about looks so much. It hit a nerve for you because you've wondered about your sexuality in the past, but unless this has come up with her before or her tone indicated otherwise I'd think it was an off the cuff remark based on stereotypical hetero male behavior, and not something you need to worry too much about. I've met a few guys that (unless they're REALLY good at faking it) are very much straight, but give off a little bit of a "gay vibe." I don't think it's really something they can or should control, it's just things about their voice or mannerisms or dress that fit into the stereotype of a gay man. It's possible you have little things like this, yourself, but that doesn't make you gay. It's also possible people are just expecting you to be a pig because you're a straight guy and you are (admirably) not bowing to peer pressure.
Wow....that's bullshit coming from her end. If anything, I'd think more straight girls would like guys like you. Being a straight guy doesn't mean you're a pig, and that's a horrible stereotype for straight men everywhere. I think what people don't understand is interests or preferences don't 'make' a sexuality. There are straight men who don't care about looks, pay high attention to their own appearances, and even enjoy crossdressing or being submissive. There are gay men who are shallow with looks, extremely aggressive and masculine, hate anything remotely feminine, etc. Sexuality is about what genders you're attracted to.
She said that I 'sounded the tiniest bit gay' but I wasn't exactly sure what she was referring to. We were coving all areas of ourself like style, music taste. I'm different from most guys in my area I guess, because I actually care about what I look like. I make sure my hair cut is nice and it is styled well, my clothes are well fitted and that they make me look mature and stuff. I don't wear 'sports shoes', but things like Chelsea Boots and Desert Boots and such. Most guys in my area have hair shaved off with ill-fitting track-suits and all so I like to stand out. One thing my mom used to make sure I had was good eyebrows which, to me, I would say was feminine. But I don't think there is anything wrong with some self grooming and making sure I don't have a mono borrow/uni or whatever. I mean, this is actually the first time in a while that I have been called it, ever since I moved school and changed my style to that of the above, cared more about how I look and such - it hasn't been brought up which is why, I guess, I'm so confused why it was said and now it's driving me insane. I guess I'm just different from other guys, and she's using stereotypes as an excuse to call me gay, which to me is pretty small minded that she can't admire a well tailored, respectful Howard's woman, person - over a street corner thug begging for vagina and wearing rags.
