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Does he like me? =O

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SeriousJack, Sep 25, 2014.

  1. SeriousJack

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    Ok, so this is my first post in the comunity, and i'd like to start by apologizing (we're off to a great start haha) because this is going to be yet another "guy likes other guy and doesn't kwon if he is gay", but I've read several posts like this, and although they are very helpful, each case has its own particularities and different situations, so here we go.

    So I'm a bissexual guy on his twenties, and I have kown myself bissexual for quite some time, although I've only recently had my first crush on a guy. We're both fairly atractive (I swear I'm not trying to be condencending) and pretty masculine guys, so it's pretty hard to tell if we were gay, but I've caught some signals that he might be into dudes too.

    He's a very tipical guy overall (wich is weird since tipical guys aren't even the kind of people I befriend, considering I'm a complete nerd) and we go to the same college, but pretty different courses so we never see each other there, but we've been very close friends in high school until today for like 4 years. I've always thought he was very hot, but was never really interested in him until 2 months ago, but I always felt there was this weird sexual tension between us at times. I'm also not the kind of guy he befriends since all his other friends ar jocks/douchebags who make fun of nerds, but our friendship felt very natural and we got along very easely, it just always felt like we understood each other despite our diferences.

    Anyway, we used to take some classes together one year, but after that we didn't have a sine one together, but still we made an effort to keep in touch by spending time during breaks and hanging out on weekends, that is until about a year ago when I got myself a girlfriend and he just drifted appart. We didn't speak for a yearish.

    I've recently broke up with that girlfriend and after that we got very close again, and we try to make time for each other and our other friends in common as often as possible (wich is hard considering college and stuff) and in those times we got connected like never before. When we're out with out other friends we always act like we're a team, like when we play video games and we always have each other's back (and we both expect to have) and there was even a time we were playing poker and I accidently fucked him up and he was all like "wtf dude?! I thought we were a team!" And I was like "dude this isn't even a cooperative game". But the truth is we don't have that many interests in common, not even on the kinds of games we play, but there is an honest interest in both sides to learn about each other interests and make them one of our own (like how he got me to drink beer and play cod, and he now plays mario kart like nobody's buseness and drinks tequila like a boss) and we always make sure to encourage and compliment each other (almost never on the looks though), and it just makes me happy to be around him.

    The thing is I would never think he was gay or even remotely into dudes, until I realized he had more reasons to be than I and I'm totally in love with him. He is 20 years old and still a virgin, has never talked about about any of his crushes and I've just never seen or heard of him making out with a girl, and although he sometimes says he finds chick A or actress B hot, his lack of sexual disere is astonishing. Meanwhile, I have been with multiple girls and was in a serious heterossexual relationship for a year. I supose he is a somewhat reserved guy but my other guy friends always talked to me about their crushes, and he usually talks to me about other issues. Also, he isn't really shy, and when we go to parties he almost always talks to girls, and sometimes it's so obvious how they're interested and yet he never makes a move, even when he is drunk.

    Besides that, in the last couple of months he has done some weird things, like this one time we had a sleep over at my place and we slept in adjancent beds, and I woke up with his hand on my chest, and since I was so enjoying it I tried not to move not to scare him off, but I guess when he noticed my heart race and my breathing get too heavy(i couldn't help it) he moved it away. We also went to a concert together and he was next to me 100% of the time and our shoulders were touching and rubbing on each other all the time. I guess it was a pretty crouded concert and there was barely any space to breathe, but still, very sugestive (note to one of our girl friends who is a complete slut behind us hitting on him all the time). We even watched porn together once (it was soft porn on televison) and neither of us were aroused and the only coomments were "they're totally not doing it".

    But still, I've read stories in wich the guys spoon and cuddle with other guys and still are not gay, and nothing of what I just said proves he likes men. But these situations never happened to me with other guys, even the ones who are openly gay, and I guess this could be we are just that good of friends, but still, this isnt normal.

    While we are on the subject, we have several friends lgbt and he is totally fine with it, and appart from regular, friendly, gay calling your guy friends (wich even my gay friends do) he is not at all homophobic. Also I've never heard him say he was straight or not gay, but I've also never heard him say he was gay, so there's that. We never talked about sexuality though (be ours or other people's)

    Anyway, what I really need advice though is that I've still not talked about this with anyone, not even my best friend and my therapist, since its something thats so new to me, and I was perfectly fine falling in love with girls until 2 months ago, and I don't know wether I should since I'm still more atracted to girls and I might just get over him, but I believe we could be very happy together, and if I discover he is gay, I won't hesitate in making a move, but the truth is I'm satisfied with how things are right now, and this may just be a platonic thing, and although I think about him all the time this is not causing me any trouble or sad feelings, really, I'm just happy I'm in love again.

    If I tell him I'm bi I'm sure he would be fine, but I'm afraid I'm gonna ruin what we have right now, and I don't want to tell my best friend becouse he always hangs ou with us and that would make him unconfortable and he would just start to see things differently. What should I do? Should I tell people I'm bi? Should I tell him I have feelings for him? Should I just wait for him to make the first move if he does indeed like me? I'm also very afraid he just assumed I'm straight by now, judging from the past, and would never do anything...

    Anyway, thanks for your time, and every advise will help!:icon_bigg
     
  2. FancyGummy

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    It's near impossible to really know what someone's orientation is from stuff like that. Like you said, it might just be an epic bromance. At the same time, it's definitely interesting that he became a little distant when you got a girlfriend. I would imagine that if you told him you were Bi, and he was just "OK" with it, (which is less likely IMO) he would probably just stop being so touchy/feely - you're good friends, and I doubt he would let a little awkwardness get in the way of that. Even if that worries you, I think you need to say something quickly, because the longer you take the harder it becomes.
     
  3. shinji

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    Holy walls of text batman!

    Okay okay! So... i'll be short (unlike you...).

    You need to stop stressing over this! After you do that, find a good opportunity to inform your buddy that you're bi. Here are some vague examples.

    The two of you together and some hot guy walks by:

    You - "heh, that dude is kinda hot".
    Him - "really? you like him".
    You - "well doh, i'm bisexual".
    Him - "oh okay, lets be boyfriends".

    Basically... open up a bit more and be more direct. Stop overthinking things and maybe drop a few hints. Coming out under the disguise of sarcasm, is a good way to see how he will react, because you could always just say "dude i'm joking, seriously wtf...".

    Also... from what little (little, get it? cause it's a huge friggin wall of text) i read, it seems he's into you and maybe bi-romantic or...whatever the gay version of that is. Asexual maybe?! I'm not really that informed... anyway, he is everything BUT straight, that i can guarantee!
     
  4. seeking

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    I am not a man obviously, but my advice is to just tell him you're bisexual. Sometimes people talk about their celebrity crushes.. You could be like i like this actress and i think this actor i like a lot too. Considering, he has friends who are in the lgbt community..he probably won't be mean to you, but i say tell him you are bisexual because if he stops being all bromance with you. You know he most likely doesn't feel that way for you...if he continues what he is doing then you have to decide if you be comfortable telling him you have a crush on him. And if he continues doing it, but with more stuff..then that is a sign he probably likes you more than a friend.

    But, i would definitely let him know you're bisexual, but wait for the perfect time. If you are scared to...do what guy said above..be sarcastic/joking..so if he reacts in some negative manner you can just take it back.

    Wish you the best, but the stuff he has done is very very friendly and sign of comfort, just doesn't signify if he is gay or not from my perspective.
     
    #4 seeking, Sep 26, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2014
  5. SeriousJack

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    "Holy walls of text batman!

    Okay okay! So... i'll be short (unlike you...)."

    Hahaha so sorry for the long post, I swear I didn't plan or realize it was that big. Thanks for reading it though! Sorry for the grammar mistakes too, I had to type everything from my phone! Anyway, I can assure you he isn't asexual because he works out everyday, and he isn't an athlete or anything, and he is always bragging about his arms (which are huge, btw) I also forgot to mention these weird sections of eye contact we have when we are drunk, but it's hard to tell if it's weird just for me since I'm always drunk when we have them.

    I've also been thinking maybe I should tell my gay friend first and see if he thinks he might be into me and judging by his opinion I tell him I like him if he does too and maybe wait until I'm over him and tell him I'm bi out of respect for being such a great friend. What do you think?

    Thanks for all the support and replies, they really help!
     
  6. Will2M

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    Definitely coming out would be better for you. You were in a hetero relationship for a long time like me so no one suspects that I am bi. Even if you think you are dropping hints he is probably not picking them up.

    Part of the way you can be more obvious is by going out of your way to comment on hot guys when you are around him. If you start doing that he should pick it up pretty soon and will either ask you (which makes it way easier to come out) or it will not be a big thing when you bring it up.

    Good luck!